The 36. Day

When does one stop counting the days?

No yet, anyways.

If S. is able to not reach for a cigarette for a half year or a year, I can make the effort to write this blog every day, can't I.

Yes, you can.
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Today is a strange day, we both stayed home, off sick. Throat hurts, but not so bad anymore. It's just a lot of sneezing, coughing, headaches. We slept a lot, then went to get some food. And old shop assistant at Sainsbury's nearby asked at the cashier whether we need any Blue Camels or not. I said "no, thank you". He was surprised and asked, "you don't need it?". I said, "no, he has quit". S. smiled, sort of, and the old man said to S. "you don't look very enthusiastic". It was a bit awkward, as S. didn't really want to continue talking about this with a stranger, but the old man pressed on a bit too long and he didn't really have much to say, but did congratulate S. on the matter.

So, although slightly odd moments, it was good that someone else noticed that S. has quit smoking. Another person noticed, one more person congratulated him. I think this is great, too.

The 35. Day

When we met D. and Z. on Saturday, D. (a smoker) said Z. (who quit about 6 months ago) told me the big news that S. was not smoking, so do you have big news? We both looked at her, puzzled. "A., are you pregnant, is that your big news, is this why S. has quit smoking?".

No, we said, he just quit smoking. No, I am not pregnant. It's interesting how you must have a reason to quit. Why can't your reason be that you want to quit?

Yes, we are trying to have a baby, yes, it's been a while. Also, I would never ask anything like this, when people want to tell me something I am happy to listen. But I don't ask.

Although they are good friends, they are close, so I would not mind sharing with them most any sort of news. And I don't mind them asking. I always say to questions like this, that I will tell you when I have such news, don't worry, I won't send you clues, i will tell you the real thing.

People always look at me a bit puzzled when I say this. Not sure why.

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I am guilty of not publishing for the the past days, just taking notes. Although I have promised to write a post a day. That's not good. I need to keep writing every day and publishing every day.

I do have two reasons for not posting. My laptop looked like it died on Friday. And it looked like I may have been (at least somewhat) responsible for it. S. nursed it back to life Friday/Saturday. It took at least a day. But now it's back and I have to do my stuff from now on. Every day.

We also have been sick, S. started it, with a bad sore throat, then a cold and cough. I followed him, so we are now both sneezing and coughing.

No more excuses. I have to continue. What would happen if S. stopped quitting for a day, just because of this or just because of that?

The 34. Day

E. and T. (3,5 years old) were here. E. was wondering how come S. has started doing yoga as well. You see, it was E. who first introduced me to Bikram Yoga. So I told her that S. quit smoking. E. was totally amazed and excited and wanted to know all details of the process. She smokes and so does her partner, but neither smokes a lot, I don't think.
So I did tell her the details. When we got to the flat, the three of us talked a lot about yoga, teachers, our experience  what we like and don't like about it. The different styles yoga teachers have. We talked about a lot of other stuff too, we haven't seen them for a long time. It was a very good afternoon, with Lego, food and a little helicopter flying by every hour.

It was great to see such amazement in E.'s eyes, she is someone who truly appreciates our achievements.  

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Oh, by the way, another surprise arrived for S., a package from B. It's a metal puzzle sent by my sister, I. and her boyfriend N.

All of us tried to solve it this afternoon, including the 3,5 years old T. We told him he could have any chocolate he wanted if he solved it. ANY. That was a bit nasty to say, as none of us adults could solve it, although all of us tried it, someone was continuously trying to solve it all afternoon. No luck.

Well, it is "difficulty level 4"! Why not level 1, oh, why not? Calm down, it's not your gift. I am usually terrible at puzzles as such. Anyways, it's fun to try again and again.

Great gift, thank you, I. and N.!!!

The 33. Day

We went out tonight to celebrate D.'s birthday at the Narrow Boat. Again, I was a bit worried about an evening out with friends and friends of friends, as some of them are bound to go outside and have a smoke after a while. A smoke and a chat.

I completely trust S., I didn't think he would start smoking on an occasion as such, but I just don't want him to have a bad time or feel frustrated because of this.

When it was time to go outside with smokers he stood up and said "I am now going out to have a smoke." "Good", I said. Off he went.

The 32. Day

I asked him how he was doing these days. I don't usually ask, I just listen. But having not talked about this with him for a while now, I decided to ask.

He said it's all good, but there is always something missing. Something very good. Something that is impossible to replace.

He also said he doesn't miss it all the time. He doesn't think about it all the time. I think that's pretty good. S. explained that whenever at work or at home he is done with something and wants to have a break he thinks of going outside, having something nice, a coffee perhaps and also something else. He then thinks of having a cigarette. But he knows he can't have that. This doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen.

S. also told me that he doesn't continuously take the lozenges. He sometimes forgets to have a lozenge all morning. The other day he forgot all about it for 5 hours. He didn't think about cigarettes, lozenges, so anything to do with nicotine for 5 hours, in the middle of the day.

I think this is huge.

The 31. Day

I just received this image from my lovely sister, I. She wrote "it kind of reminded me of what you wrote the other day :)"... She is apparently one of the few who knows about this blog and follows it, too. It's good to know that I have a regular reader!

I realize that all arguments these days are more heated than usual. I guess I just have to live with that for now. It's not easy, but at the same time it is not at all just bad. There are a lot smiles, too. And come to think of it, there is no smoke in the flat. Things smell nice. He smells nice. In the long run it will improve his health. And mine, too. I can say I have quit secondary smoking. And even though other problems remain, life just generally feels a bit lighter. Going to a park IS actually about getting some fresh air.

Perhaps once every hour a small, yellow helicopter flies by. And sometimes, if I am lucky, it lands on my hand.

The 30. Day

Not a good night, not a good morning.

I remember a really bad night almost exactly a month ago. It was 2 days after he quit and we did not sleep much that night, he was very irritated. That was the night before he bought the lozenges.

Perhaps it's not the best days for me either. I want to get a lot done, I want to move forward, but I am very slow and lazy. This sounds awful, but it's the truth. I also have a lot of admin to sort out which, surprisingly, is not my favorite thing in the world.

So perhaps I am not always the best listener either. I gotta get myself together. I must. We need to continue. A month is a great achievement, it's a huge achievement, but it is also only the first month of many.

I suppose some posts are gloomier than others.

We need to sleep more, too.