I am planning very carefully. The activities should occupy, but not overwhelm him. He needs to have a choice, but needs to be guided. I have put together a little plan. A calendar of choices.
It's a bit rough, but maybe that serves the purpose best. I don't want to dictate what we do each day as the name of the game is not "suffocate the man" but to always give him something to do. And if that something turns out to be boring than there has to be something else to do.
I have ideas for weekends and for weekdays; obviously there is more time in a weekend than on weekdays. We have more room to move, to travel, to do stuff over weekends. But more space to fill, too.
And if he just wants to stay home for an evening and play with the laptop, that's also fine, of course.
I am very curious about what will happen. No! I am excited. I am becoming excited. I wonder what he will think. I did tell him a few weeks ago about the start date. All he had said was that I need to set up a date and he just needs a bit of a warning before it happens. So I am thinking, going away for a long weekend with his friends (most of whom are crazy smokers) is a perfect way to say goodbye too... you know what.
I somehow need to conceal my excitement. I love to plan. I love to create surprises. For a highly skilled MC (as S.'s brother once called me), Master of Ceremony, as myself this is the perfect project.
Can't wait.
Could wait?
No!
Ooohh!!!
A few more days to go. The ceremony is about to start. The crazy, awful, funny, nerve-wrecking, upsetting, blissful, irritable days. Months. Years. Let them begin.
That urge I will not be able balance out, no matter how hard I will try.
Travel?
Humour!
Sports?
Endless sex?
Good food?
Jumping up and down?
More sleep?
Less sleep?
Games?
What shall it be?
All of the above?
Yes!
*****
Anxious. Excited. Curious. Tense. Overwhelmed.
Waiting.
Waiting is.
Thursday 31 January 2013
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Continuing
On the upside, why the hell not try it out? What have I got to loose?
I will put all my creativity, energy and patience into this and see what happens.
I simply can't be my own setback. CANNOT. No, no way. No sir. No, ma'am. Nope!
We haven't even started yet.
So continue on.
On and on.
Happily. Ever. After.
I will put all my creativity, energy and patience into this and see what happens.
I simply can't be my own setback. CANNOT. No, no way. No sir. No, ma'am. Nope!
We haven't even started yet.
So continue on.
On and on.
Happily. Ever. After.
Tuesday 29 January 2013
Monday 28 January 2013
Looking for more information - the NHS Quit Kit
Did you know that you can walk into your local pharmacy (in the UK) and receive an NHS Quit Kit for free? No questions asked, you don't need to sign up or give any details.
Now whether it helps or not is a whole other question.
It has a lot of nicely designed, nice-to-touch pieces of paper and a piece of blue "Squeeeeeze me" plastic. They tried to offer information and help from various angles, which is very good.
It seems to me that all the information within this box is all on the NHS site as well. But there is a calendar in the box with a tip for something to do and think about every day for 28 days. You can rip the page off once you are done with another smoke-free day. This is actually useful in two ways. One, finally I find a piece of information I had been looking for. They are saying if you can quit for 28 days, "you're five times more likely to stay smokefree." That's promising. I have actually been working on organizing or at least putting some ideas together for the first month. Of course, a smoker will always remain a smoker - they say. The idea of smoking and the urge will surely pop up often in later months, years, who knows for how long.
Also, an idea of a calendar, something you can touch and rip off, tick off, add to a pile, etc. is a good idea. Perhaps not something bearing the name "smokefree" on every page. S. hates to have branding in his home, he has a curious way of ripping off all branding that can be ripped or cut off or scratched out from all products in our home. First I found this quite odd, but then when I thought about it, we are forced to see enough branding everywhere, every day, why would we need to have our home as a nest for hundreds of marketing bullshit ad campaigns?! So I am okay with this, but I know many people find this odd.
Back to the kit, now.
They also congratulate you several times for choosing this precious "Quit kit". Cute name, by the way. Qute name (ok, stop that right now!). Of course as I was the one picking up the kit, I am the one they are congratulating. So a pat on the back for me for doing whatever I am doing. For being a busy bee. For beeing a ... Oh, never mind.
Yes, there are a few good bits within the Quit kit, and yes, you can now "touch" all the information and it's all nicely laid out AND you've got your bit of blue plastic, too. But the whole box is a touch disappointing. I was hoping for something a bit... a bit more... helpful.
But then again. It is again down to this:
If you want to quit, you need to quit. And if the encouraging pieces of paper in a lovely brown box help you, then there you go.
"Whatever works for you" - as my good friend, June, would say.
Sunday 27 January 2013
"I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny. I smoke cigarettes."
Penny Escher: And I suppose you smoked all these cigarettes?
Kay Eiffel: No, they came pre-smoked.
and:
Kay Eiffel: What's this?
Penny Escher: [seeing Eiffel smoking a lot of cigarettes] It's literature on the nicotine patch.
Kay Eiffel: I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny. I smoke cigarettes.
These lovely quotes are both from Stranger Than Fiction, a must-see film. However, Kay, the writer, continues to smoke.
I have once again realized that writing a blog is very difficult. As said before, it is especially challenging when you are planning something for someone else, most of it has to be a secret for now, so you cannot tell. Nevertheless, I want to make this blog worth reading. And I want to keep writing every day. It is of course not as difficult as quitting smoking.
I have looked into the matter and it seems there are a few options out there. These are, however ridiculously unhelpful in our case.
The most obvious are patches, but S. had tried them a few years ago. It worked for about a week. Not the patches, the quitting. I am not really sure how the patches worked. There is nicotine gum, but he never chews gum, doesn't like it. So I doubt he would start chewing away now.
So what else? Amongst other things, the NHS offers trained advisers who try to help you in a group or one-on-one, or so they say. But S. doesn't like to be among strangers. He so often gets irritated when he is among strangers and this is when he does smoke. How on earth would this work when he doesn't smoke and is irritated from the start? Well, I could go with him if NHS allowed it and sit though the sessions with him (and "guard" him?). The one-on-one sessions might work, but this is probably for people who are home-bound. Sometimes we meet a friendly and attentive doctor whom S. comes to trust, but this is rare. Also, I am not sure we would be able to select the right adviser, we would more likely be assigned someone, take or leave it.
Should I look into private healthcare? Are the extra hundreds of £s going to really help?
There are also things you can suck and chew on (not just gum), balls to squeeze, medicines to take, inhalators to inhale from. There is also hypnosis which we had talked about a few years back, he said I should go with him, but then we decided against it. There is a couple in the family, both smokers, who tried hypnosis and were adamant about their success and how easily they had quit. Then they were close to getting divorced. Not to mention that a few months later they both blissfully started smoking again.
There might be options I missed in my list. Is there anything else? Apart from eating your cigarettes, of course?!
Perhaps it would be best if I listed all the options to S. on that very first day. I don't think this would be of much help, we have been through all this before, he doesn't want any of these options. He has declared that the only way to quit is to quit. And the only way for him to quit is if I helped him.
To sum it up, of course the only real way to stop smoking is to make a very difficult decision and stop smoking. Do not light up again. No more "20 blue camels, please".
This is a very unpleasant thought - I am going to help him in a process that is going to hurt him.
No use denying, nowadays I hate it every time he lights a cigarette. I hate inhaling the smoke.
And how long will I need to keep him occupied all the time? For a few weeks? A month? Several months?
How long does it take?
Kay Eiffel: No, they came pre-smoked.
and:
Kay Eiffel: What's this?
Penny Escher: [seeing Eiffel smoking a lot of cigarettes] It's literature on the nicotine patch.
Kay Eiffel: I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny. I smoke cigarettes.
These lovely quotes are both from Stranger Than Fiction, a must-see film. However, Kay, the writer, continues to smoke.
I have once again realized that writing a blog is very difficult. As said before, it is especially challenging when you are planning something for someone else, most of it has to be a secret for now, so you cannot tell. Nevertheless, I want to make this blog worth reading. And I want to keep writing every day. It is of course not as difficult as quitting smoking.
I have looked into the matter and it seems there are a few options out there. These are, however ridiculously unhelpful in our case.
The most obvious are patches, but S. had tried them a few years ago. It worked for about a week. Not the patches, the quitting. I am not really sure how the patches worked. There is nicotine gum, but he never chews gum, doesn't like it. So I doubt he would start chewing away now.
So what else? Amongst other things, the NHS offers trained advisers who try to help you in a group or one-on-one, or so they say. But S. doesn't like to be among strangers. He so often gets irritated when he is among strangers and this is when he does smoke. How on earth would this work when he doesn't smoke and is irritated from the start? Well, I could go with him if NHS allowed it and sit though the sessions with him (and "guard" him?). The one-on-one sessions might work, but this is probably for people who are home-bound. Sometimes we meet a friendly and attentive doctor whom S. comes to trust, but this is rare. Also, I am not sure we would be able to select the right adviser, we would more likely be assigned someone, take or leave it.
Should I look into private healthcare? Are the extra hundreds of £s going to really help?
There are also things you can suck and chew on (not just gum), balls to squeeze, medicines to take, inhalators to inhale from. There is also hypnosis which we had talked about a few years back, he said I should go with him, but then we decided against it. There is a couple in the family, both smokers, who tried hypnosis and were adamant about their success and how easily they had quit. Then they were close to getting divorced. Not to mention that a few months later they both blissfully started smoking again.
There might be options I missed in my list. Is there anything else? Apart from eating your cigarettes, of course?!
Perhaps it would be best if I listed all the options to S. on that very first day. I don't think this would be of much help, we have been through all this before, he doesn't want any of these options. He has declared that the only way to quit is to quit. And the only way for him to quit is if I helped him.
To sum it up, of course the only real way to stop smoking is to make a very difficult decision and stop smoking. Do not light up again. No more "20 blue camels, please".
This is a very unpleasant thought - I am going to help him in a process that is going to hurt him.
No use denying, nowadays I hate it every time he lights a cigarette. I hate inhaling the smoke.
And how long will I need to keep him occupied all the time? For a few weeks? A month? Several months?
How long does it take?
Saturday 26 January 2013
Talking to myself
I didn't do as much research today as I had intended. And I wasn't even lazy, just had a lot of other things to do.
I had on the other hand taken a few steps ahead which for the purposes of this blog must remain secret for now.
S. does not know about the existence of this blog yet. I think it is best if he receives a few surprises on the the 4th, that famous 4th, a url to this blog for example and a few other things. I am in the middle of planning these other things. I want to put a lot of effort into the quitting process and I want him to know about this too, in due course and that I am going to completely support him.
Today there were a few spots of frustrations. He gets this way sometimes. On such occasions I don't get why something so unimportant can become such a big issue, I don't see why he doesn't give more information, why repeating the same words is better than explaining something I don't get straight away. Or others don't get straight away. After the first little rage today I thought to myself, oh, well, he has these moments, but these moments are such minority compared to the amount of greatness, support and appreciation I receive from him every day. Then suddenly, came his next eruption (in which he was frustrated with me, which then frustrated me, which frustrated him...). These are not easy. And I thought to myself I must get used to this as this is exactly the way he will be (or even worse) when he quits smoking. So I must prepare myself. If that is at all possible.
I am doing a lot of planning. I am trying to plan things so that in the first few weeks, first few months he is kept occupied and happy, as much as it is possible and in my power. As I am planning on my own I have to keep a lot of secrets.
It's odd being secretive on my own blog as it is lonesome enough writing the posts themselves. So I am on my own and I am being secretive. That's a bit odd. Anyways, the point is to have a few surprises ready for S. I must keep secrets.
Today there were a few spots of frustrations. He gets this way sometimes. On such occasions I don't get why something so unimportant can become such a big issue, I don't see why he doesn't give more information, why repeating the same words is better than explaining something I don't get straight away. Or others don't get straight away. After the first little rage today I thought to myself, oh, well, he has these moments, but these moments are such minority compared to the amount of greatness, support and appreciation I receive from him every day. Then suddenly, came his next eruption (in which he was frustrated with me, which then frustrated me, which frustrated him...). These are not easy. And I thought to myself I must get used to this as this is exactly the way he will be (or even worse) when he quits smoking. So I must prepare myself. If that is at all possible.
I am doing a lot of planning. I am trying to plan things so that in the first few weeks, first few months he is kept occupied and happy, as much as it is possible and in my power. As I am planning on my own I have to keep a lot of secrets.
It's odd being secretive on my own blog as it is lonesome enough writing the posts themselves. So I am on my own and I am being secretive. That's a bit odd. Anyways, the point is to have a few surprises ready for S. I must keep secrets.
Keep the secrets, keep the secrets.
Friday 25 January 2013
Information. My way. Now.
The tiny detail I forgot to add was that the date has been set, the quitting games are to begin in a week and a half.
FEBRUARY 4th. 2013. Bambadabamm!!! There.
This is a very important detail. Remember, remember, the fourth of... February!... Well, it doesn't sound the best but it will have to do.
I was thinking about this whole challenge and reread the already existing TWO posts and thought to myself - I make it sound like a really-really terrible thing, this whole quitting business. Well, is it? Must it really be terrible?
Wait a minute. Hold your horses! Stop the car! It can't be all bad! There has to be something good about it.
We are doing something together, very together. For a good cause. For me, for you for everybody, for... Oh, shut up.
It is going to be hard. But I mustn't loose my sense of humour.
So what could I do now? Right now. Anybody reading this? I need to put myself to some use right at this moment. After all, the decision is his, the anger is most certainly going to be his, the frustration, the annoyance, he will have it all, the resentment, the irritation... Not fair! I must have something, too.
I know! I am going to do a lovely search for what information is available online. Bring on the ex-smokers. Where are you, health experts? I want data, I want tips, I want success stories. GIMME INFORMATION! And I want it now.
-----
Now that I have calmed down a bit and actually started to look around I found amongst the first results a little article recommending that one eats their cigarette every time they want to light up. Well, why would you do that? Why? WHY.
More info coming up. Watch this space.
FEBRUARY 4th. 2013. Bambadabamm!!! There.
This is a very important detail. Remember, remember, the fourth of... February!... Well, it doesn't sound the best but it will have to do.
I was thinking about this whole challenge and reread the already existing TWO posts and thought to myself - I make it sound like a really-really terrible thing, this whole quitting business. Well, is it? Must it really be terrible?
Wait a minute. Hold your horses! Stop the car! It can't be all bad! There has to be something good about it.
We are doing something together, very together. For a good cause. For me, for you for everybody, for... Oh, shut up.
It is going to be hard. But I mustn't loose my sense of humour.
So what could I do now? Right now. Anybody reading this? I need to put myself to some use right at this moment. After all, the decision is his, the anger is most certainly going to be his, the frustration, the annoyance, he will have it all, the resentment, the irritation... Not fair! I must have something, too.
I know! I am going to do a lovely search for what information is available online. Bring on the ex-smokers. Where are you, health experts? I want data, I want tips, I want success stories. GIMME INFORMATION! And I want it now.
-----
Now that I have calmed down a bit and actually started to look around I found amongst the first results a little article recommending that one eats their cigarette every time they want to light up. Well, why would you do that? Why? WHY.
More info coming up. Watch this space.
Thursday 24 January 2013
Fears, uncertainties and other setbacks
Am I doing the right thing?
Am I wanting him to quit because of my own pity, selfish issues? Is this why I am making him do something he doesn't want to do ?
Is smoking really harmful? How about the people who live up to 90 or even a 100, puffing and drinking away every day, then falling asleep peacefully when their time is up? Do I have the right to make someone quit something that has become such an integral part of him?
Breathe.
Let's take a step back. It's not me doing anything. S. is a very self-conscious, very self-confident, very stubborn young man and I would simply not be able to make him do anything he doesn't really want to.
He has asked me for help.
He was not feeling well. He has been wanting to quit for years.
Furthermore, he has put me in charge of the process. To constantly keep him occupied in what is to be several terrible days. We know what is coming, or can at least guess. We have been through it already, but it never worked and went on for more than a few days, perhaps a week.
So no more uncertainties, stop with the fears, it's not about you.
You are here to help.
And that rocky road is ahead, right there, in front of you. So find your yellow brick road already, and get going.
Am I wanting him to quit because of my own pity, selfish issues? Is this why I am making him do something he doesn't want to do ?
Is smoking really harmful? How about the people who live up to 90 or even a 100, puffing and drinking away every day, then falling asleep peacefully when their time is up? Do I have the right to make someone quit something that has become such an integral part of him?
Breathe.
Let's take a step back. It's not me doing anything. S. is a very self-conscious, very self-confident, very stubborn young man and I would simply not be able to make him do anything he doesn't really want to.
He has asked me for help.
He was not feeling well. He has been wanting to quit for years.
Furthermore, he has put me in charge of the process. To constantly keep him occupied in what is to be several terrible days. We know what is coming, or can at least guess. We have been through it already, but it never worked and went on for more than a few days, perhaps a week.
So no more uncertainties, stop with the fears, it's not about you.
You are here to help.
And that rocky road is ahead, right there, in front of you. So find your yellow brick road already, and get going.
Wednesday 23 January 2013
The first thoughts
So here we are. Here I am. I couldn't sleep much this past night, so had a few hours to think up a plan. I need to help S. quit smoking. It can no longer be postponed.
Here is the deal. S. smokes one pack a day. "20 blue Camels, please". I think he now smokes more, perhaps a pack and a half a day. He denies this increase in his daily portion, but actually, it makes no difference whether it is 20 or 30, or howevermany. It is simply way too much.
I am writing this blog as I am trying to devise a good plan to help him. To help in the process of getting rid of an addiction. I want to keep record of what we are doing. I will write down my plans and observations. There are so many uncertainties, so many fears. These too will be recorded.
I know it won't be easy and I know it won't be nice either. What I will make sure is that it will be fun. As much fun as we possibly can have while we are at it.
I also have another reason to write this blog. I want other people to read about the struggle and hopefully learn from it. I am Hungarian, but I thought writing in English might help reach a wider audience.
I have no idea how all this will play out. The goal is for S. to quit smoking. Not reduce it, but kiss the habit goodbye. While I am writing this I hear the flick of the lighter in the other room. Well, of course, it's just another day. But you see, now I am confident I want him to stop smoking. I am angry at this addiction and I am tired of inhaling all the smoke. I don't see it as a funny little habit anymore.
It's an experiment. It will most certainly require my best efforts and my persistence. I can no longer be lazy. No more going with the flow. I need to make plans and follow them through. So in a way, this blog will be about me, too.
Thus the goal has been set, here it is, in writing. S. needs to quit smoking and I am going to help him. All the way. Wish him me luck (break a leg, etc.). Wish us luck.
Kiss Smoking Goodbye.
Here is the deal. S. smokes one pack a day. "20 blue Camels, please". I think he now smokes more, perhaps a pack and a half a day. He denies this increase in his daily portion, but actually, it makes no difference whether it is 20 or 30, or howevermany. It is simply way too much.
I am writing this blog as I am trying to devise a good plan to help him. To help in the process of getting rid of an addiction. I want to keep record of what we are doing. I will write down my plans and observations. There are so many uncertainties, so many fears. These too will be recorded.
I know it won't be easy and I know it won't be nice either. What I will make sure is that it will be fun. As much fun as we possibly can have while we are at it.
I also have another reason to write this blog. I want other people to read about the struggle and hopefully learn from it. I am Hungarian, but I thought writing in English might help reach a wider audience.
I have no idea how all this will play out. The goal is for S. to quit smoking. Not reduce it, but kiss the habit goodbye. While I am writing this I hear the flick of the lighter in the other room. Well, of course, it's just another day. But you see, now I am confident I want him to stop smoking. I am angry at this addiction and I am tired of inhaling all the smoke. I don't see it as a funny little habit anymore.
It's an experiment. It will most certainly require my best efforts and my persistence. I can no longer be lazy. No more going with the flow. I need to make plans and follow them through. So in a way, this blog will be about me, too.
Thus the goal has been set, here it is, in writing. S. needs to quit smoking and I am going to help him. All the way. Wish him me luck (break a leg, etc.). Wish us luck.
Kiss Smoking Goodbye.
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