The 56. Day

After a few gloomy weeks something good had to happen. Some good moments were needed. This was helped by having D., B. and B. stay over our place for the Easter holidays.

And...

This was a day of celebration. 8 weeks done. That is two months or 56 days. Actually, that is exactly 80640 minutes. That, my friends, is quite an achievement.

To celebrate I had a surprise for S. He didn!t know where he was going, what he was doing that afternoon. I bought the tickets in October, but could only reserve actual places a few weeks before, as this place just opened in February.

Where were we? Do you want to know?

It was this place.

Fresh, new, touristic landmark, London, UK. At our very own London Bridge.

It was fun. Going up 33 floors with one elevator, then up to the 69th with another. Then stairs to the 72. floor. Amazing view. We spent a few hours there, looking down, talking about trains and stations, where our flat could be located, what we could see and couldn't, where this building or that is. It was fun.

And a great way to celebrate those 80640 minutes. Well done, sir. I am very proud of you.

The 40th Day

Was a really awful day. My Mom was staying with us. S. and her had a very bad quarrel. Not the first, most probably not the last either.

This post is not about who was right or who was wrong. I am not even sure it is about smoking or not smoking. It is just about the bluntness I felt when it was all over. Or sadness. Both. That some things will not change. That some things are bigger than I am. That I don't want any negatives in my life. I want the positives, please. I want to work on the positives and keep as much of the negatives out as possible.

I am not even sure this is a complete blog post. It's just a few thoughts, dropped onto virtual paper.

I wasn't sure whether I should publish this or not. Without details of the argument it isn't very interesting, but some of those details are truly unimportant. It helps to talk to people, to people who are close to us, to think about what is going on. About what happened, about how we are.

I am feeling a lot of things. Emotions, all over the place. Thoughts, ideas, plans.

I need to get myself together and continue. S. has come a long way. He needs to continue on his road. And so do I.

I finally decided to publish this on the day that it happened. In order to remember. To not forget. It might sound unimportant to remember a particular date. But the truth is, I won't be able to forget it anyways.

The 39. Day

Yesterday we went to Sainsbury's briefly to buy a new box of lozenges. S. decided to go for the same type, but with less nicotine in it. Goodbye 4 mgs, hello 2 mgs!

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My Mom is in town, when she arrived straight away she said a bit congratulations to S. for quitting smoking.

She was a bit shy it at first and asked me if it's okay to talk to S. about quitting. She wasn't sure how he would react about her raising the topic. She said she is very proud of him because of this, that it is a great achievement. I said yes, please, good questions and comments are very welcome please do tell him what you think. So she did. I think it made him feel good.

Praise is very important.

It is always very important for everyone. But when you are quitting smoking, it is increasingly so.

The 38. Day

S. told me a few days ago that when he goes out to have a break at work or anywhere else to have a chat with people who smoke, he takes lozenges with him and has one or two. He tends to have the lozenges outside, so that he can still have the "I am going out to have a smoke" feeling in a way. And sometimes he has lozenges inside. Depends on his mood.

S. thinks the amount of lozenges he needs will gradually decrease. He thinks he will just naturally need less and less.

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Last night S. watched a movie on his laptop in the bedroom. He hadn't ever smoked in the bedroom, that was a rule he had established himself. I was doing a bit of cleaning in the evening and told him he could watch his movie in the bedroom. Now that he doesn't smoke, he can just go ahead and watch it in the bedroom, no problemo. That must have been a first in a long time, if not the very first time since he moved into this flat about eight years ago.

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By the way, the several helicopter crashes our living room has been experiencing these past few weeks have left a few scars... It's actually been much more funny than sad.

The 37. Day

Woops, I just realized that I forgot to say that S. solved the metal puzzle 1.5 days after receiving it...

See proof below.

My sister, I.'s reply was:

"Damn! That was fast. Well done! But we expected nothing less. Next time it will be more difficult ;)"

It's because of e-mails like this that I love I. so much.

The 36. Day

When does one stop counting the days?

No yet, anyways.

If S. is able to not reach for a cigarette for a half year or a year, I can make the effort to write this blog every day, can't I.

Yes, you can.
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Today is a strange day, we both stayed home, off sick. Throat hurts, but not so bad anymore. It's just a lot of sneezing, coughing, headaches. We slept a lot, then went to get some food. And old shop assistant at Sainsbury's nearby asked at the cashier whether we need any Blue Camels or not. I said "no, thank you". He was surprised and asked, "you don't need it?". I said, "no, he has quit". S. smiled, sort of, and the old man said to S. "you don't look very enthusiastic". It was a bit awkward, as S. didn't really want to continue talking about this with a stranger, but the old man pressed on a bit too long and he didn't really have much to say, but did congratulate S. on the matter.

So, although slightly odd moments, it was good that someone else noticed that S. has quit smoking. Another person noticed, one more person congratulated him. I think this is great, too.

The 35. Day

When we met D. and Z. on Saturday, D. (a smoker) said Z. (who quit about 6 months ago) told me the big news that S. was not smoking, so do you have big news? We both looked at her, puzzled. "A., are you pregnant, is that your big news, is this why S. has quit smoking?".

No, we said, he just quit smoking. No, I am not pregnant. It's interesting how you must have a reason to quit. Why can't your reason be that you want to quit?

Yes, we are trying to have a baby, yes, it's been a while. Also, I would never ask anything like this, when people want to tell me something I am happy to listen. But I don't ask.

Although they are good friends, they are close, so I would not mind sharing with them most any sort of news. And I don't mind them asking. I always say to questions like this, that I will tell you when I have such news, don't worry, I won't send you clues, i will tell you the real thing.

People always look at me a bit puzzled when I say this. Not sure why.

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I am guilty of not publishing for the the past days, just taking notes. Although I have promised to write a post a day. That's not good. I need to keep writing every day and publishing every day.

I do have two reasons for not posting. My laptop looked like it died on Friday. And it looked like I may have been (at least somewhat) responsible for it. S. nursed it back to life Friday/Saturday. It took at least a day. But now it's back and I have to do my stuff from now on. Every day.

We also have been sick, S. started it, with a bad sore throat, then a cold and cough. I followed him, so we are now both sneezing and coughing.

No more excuses. I have to continue. What would happen if S. stopped quitting for a day, just because of this or just because of that?

The 34. Day

E. and T. (3,5 years old) were here. E. was wondering how come S. has started doing yoga as well. You see, it was E. who first introduced me to Bikram Yoga. So I told her that S. quit smoking. E. was totally amazed and excited and wanted to know all details of the process. She smokes and so does her partner, but neither smokes a lot, I don't think.
So I did tell her the details. When we got to the flat, the three of us talked a lot about yoga, teachers, our experience  what we like and don't like about it. The different styles yoga teachers have. We talked about a lot of other stuff too, we haven't seen them for a long time. It was a very good afternoon, with Lego, food and a little helicopter flying by every hour.

It was great to see such amazement in E.'s eyes, she is someone who truly appreciates our achievements.  

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Oh, by the way, another surprise arrived for S., a package from B. It's a metal puzzle sent by my sister, I. and her boyfriend N.

All of us tried to solve it this afternoon, including the 3,5 years old T. We told him he could have any chocolate he wanted if he solved it. ANY. That was a bit nasty to say, as none of us adults could solve it, although all of us tried it, someone was continuously trying to solve it all afternoon. No luck.

Well, it is "difficulty level 4"! Why not level 1, oh, why not? Calm down, it's not your gift. I am usually terrible at puzzles as such. Anyways, it's fun to try again and again.

Great gift, thank you, I. and N.!!!

The 33. Day

We went out tonight to celebrate D.'s birthday at the Narrow Boat. Again, I was a bit worried about an evening out with friends and friends of friends, as some of them are bound to go outside and have a smoke after a while. A smoke and a chat.

I completely trust S., I didn't think he would start smoking on an occasion as such, but I just don't want him to have a bad time or feel frustrated because of this.

When it was time to go outside with smokers he stood up and said "I am now going out to have a smoke." "Good", I said. Off he went.

The 32. Day

I asked him how he was doing these days. I don't usually ask, I just listen. But having not talked about this with him for a while now, I decided to ask.

He said it's all good, but there is always something missing. Something very good. Something that is impossible to replace.

He also said he doesn't miss it all the time. He doesn't think about it all the time. I think that's pretty good. S. explained that whenever at work or at home he is done with something and wants to have a break he thinks of going outside, having something nice, a coffee perhaps and also something else. He then thinks of having a cigarette. But he knows he can't have that. This doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen.

S. also told me that he doesn't continuously take the lozenges. He sometimes forgets to have a lozenge all morning. The other day he forgot all about it for 5 hours. He didn't think about cigarettes, lozenges, so anything to do with nicotine for 5 hours, in the middle of the day.

I think this is huge.

The 31. Day

I just received this image from my lovely sister, I. She wrote "it kind of reminded me of what you wrote the other day :)"... She is apparently one of the few who knows about this blog and follows it, too. It's good to know that I have a regular reader!

I realize that all arguments these days are more heated than usual. I guess I just have to live with that for now. It's not easy, but at the same time it is not at all just bad. There are a lot smiles, too. And come to think of it, there is no smoke in the flat. Things smell nice. He smells nice. In the long run it will improve his health. And mine, too. I can say I have quit secondary smoking. And even though other problems remain, life just generally feels a bit lighter. Going to a park IS actually about getting some fresh air.

Perhaps once every hour a small, yellow helicopter flies by. And sometimes, if I am lucky, it lands on my hand.

The 30. Day

Not a good night, not a good morning.

I remember a really bad night almost exactly a month ago. It was 2 days after he quit and we did not sleep much that night, he was very irritated. That was the night before he bought the lozenges.

Perhaps it's not the best days for me either. I want to get a lot done, I want to move forward, but I am very slow and lazy. This sounds awful, but it's the truth. I also have a lot of admin to sort out which, surprisingly, is not my favorite thing in the world.

So perhaps I am not always the best listener either. I gotta get myself together. I must. We need to continue. A month is a great achievement, it's a huge achievement, but it is also only the first month of many.

I suppose some posts are gloomier than others.

We need to sleep more, too.

The 29. Day

Yesterday S. said that as a result of the cigar he only had one lozenge. And when we went out in the evening he forgot the lozenges at home. And didn't seem irritated or at a loss. Just said that he left them at home.

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I continue to look for advice and ideas helpful to innocent bystanders such as myself. The American Heart Association has some Tips for Friends and Family of Quitters. According to their article I am doing pretty well. We both are.

Amazing how many websites there are giving advice about this. Have all these pages been written by non-smokers? Or are these people mostly ex-smokers or in the process of quitting? Are they doing this as part of their "treatment" to help them concentrate on something other than smoking? It would be good to have a bit of an insight on this, but it's unlikely to happen.

An article by the Center for Tobacco Research and Intervention, University of Wisconsin Medical School also has some interesting points, for example:

• Nicotine affects the pleasure pathways in the brain; affects serotonin/dopamine levels
• Smoking delivers nicotine to the brain in 7 seconds which causes a positive reinforcement for smoking
• Nicotine is both a stimulant and reduces anxiety.

And this website isn't bad either, just reading their "13 best ever tips to stop smoking" is helpful. Again, looks like we are on the right track.

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As you can see I did not decide to include the most cheerful bits of information here. Rather, I went for this one:

No. 13: Do it for your health

There's more than the financial reward to consider. Cancer Research UK says smoking kills five times more people than road accidents, overdoses, murder, suicide and HIV together. Stopping smoking has immediate health benefits. It lowers your blood pressure and reduces your pulse after only 20 minutes. Within eight hours, oxygen and carbon monoxide levels in your blood return to normal. After two days your sense of taste and smell start to return. Long-term benefits include reduced risk of coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer and other cancers.

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Today is the copter competition. And I don't get to see it! Never mind. I hope out little yellow friend survives the  encounter and will be back home safe and sound.

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We are off to another yoga class tonight. Wish us luck, it's been five days since we have last done yoga and it feels like a week or two already.

The 28. Day

We slept late this morning (until noon, which is record for me). So there was no time to make blueberry pancakes, which is a shame as B. brought us a can of original Canadian Maple syrup! So B. was off for some more London sightseeing and we decided to get breakfast from The Teapot café and walk it Horniman Park.

There we found a nice bench, had breakfast and S. had his well-deserved cigar.

We also took Albee with us, just in case.

What a lovely, sunny day in London. A bit of cigar smoke, too, but that won't hurt.

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On the way to the park S. said that he thought he deserved some praise about how good he is, and a bit of talking about how well he is doing and how the flat smelled these days.

He received his rightful assortment of praises. The flat smells nice and fresh, the washed clothes smell great and so does he. I told him all this, in detail.

He smiled.

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I didn't know a cigar takes so long to smoke. Or did it just seem long? I wasn't impatient or anything like that, this is a purely observational comment. S. enjoyed it a lot.

A kid tried to approach us when S. lit the cigar, but his Dad guided him away from us. That was a bit funny.

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S. announced that he would like to receive another cigar after another month is done. Agreed.

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I asked him how many times he had tried to quit before my time. He said I shouldn't call it "trying to quit", but  "quit". He said he quit for a half year in his early twenties. He then went out for a coffee with a friend and the friend needed a bit of an emotional boost and advice. So his first cigarette after six months was a solidarity smoke. Which got him back onto smoking. For another 13 years.

But that was then.

Now is NOW.

It's been a month today, when he last smoked a cigarette.

CONGRATULATIONS, S.!

HATS OFF TO YOU. I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU.

The 27. Day

B. arrived yesterday from Vancouver to stay with us for a few days. He doesn't smoke, which is good. And he has other good qualities, too, of course! But for the purposes of this blog this is a very important fact. He is the first house guest we have since S. quit smoking.

I went to greet B. at the airport. I just thought it is better to arrive this way, especially if you are not so familiar with this huge city. He was very glad to see me at the airport.

As our way back included changing tubes at Green park station I asked if he would mind if we got something done first, before going home. He had a heavy bag, but he didn't mind.

I knew about a cigar shop just ten minutes walk from Green park station. This shop, close to Piccadilly, was probably frequented by tourists, was a mixture where you can buy cigarettes, cigars and pipes and all else involved. Two shop assistant girls tried to help me, but did not seem to know much about cigars and they probably never smoked a cigar before. I am sure they had received some sort of training about cigars and tried to be helpful but it did not show much. And I am a non-smoker and likewise have very little knowledge about tobacco products, I did not think my case was in good hands. But they did recommend a shop just a few blocks down the road.

Now, this was the type of shop you imagine when you want to go to a good old-fashioned cigar shop. The smell of cigar in the air, a cigar stub in an astray on the table closest to the entrance door. When you walk in, you see it. I told the very helpful and nice shop assistant straight away: "I don't know anything about cigars". He patiently informed me of the options, recommended some and answered all y stupid questions. He said the receipt would include the name of the cigar, because I knew I wouldn't be able to remember it. What he did was in his very shy and clumsy way ripped off the price from the receipt, held it up to show me, then dropped it into the bag containing the cigar. A nice touch.

So this was the first thing B. did in London this time was visit a cigar shop. He didn't mind at all.

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Today was the first time in almost a month that S. spent so many hours at home, on his own. We left the flat around 11 am and S. met us in Shoreditch around 9:30 pm. Together we had some mediocre wine, though the place called itself a "Wine Bar", yeah right. And some fondue made from Emmental, Gruyere and Gorgonzola cheese with bread, potato and salad. It was all nice, but apart from the fondue itself a bit plain for the price. And service charge was included, which I hate, especially as service was not the best. Oh, well, what can you do.

Anyways, S. spent his time 3D modelling and playing every hour with the new helicopter which arrived on Friday. And he was fine.

All day.

The 26. Day

I just reread the interview I did with É. and I pretty happy about it. Perhaps some day I will be conducting a similar interview with S.

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Unfortunately, the little yellow helicopter died a few days ago. It bumped into one too many things. The ceiling, walls, plants, bookshelves and table were not his friends. May you rest in helicopter peace and dream of flying high.

Next helicopter is on it's way. No, no different from its forefather. Exactly the same.

Hopefully, a touch luckier.

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It will soon be a month since S. quit smoking. He asked me to buy him a cigar to celebrate. Just one, "but make it a good one", he said. I hope 1 cigar is not the starting point (or continuing point) of hundreds of cigarettes. NO! It's a cigar, stupid. It will be alright. And he has will power.

"Mind over matter"" :-)

NO. Really!

He does have tremendous willpower, and I know it.

Anyways, calm down. My job is the acquisition, not the worrying.