The 40th Day

Was a really awful day. My Mom was staying with us. S. and her had a very bad quarrel. Not the first, most probably not the last either.

This post is not about who was right or who was wrong. I am not even sure it is about smoking or not smoking. It is just about the bluntness I felt when it was all over. Or sadness. Both. That some things will not change. That some things are bigger than I am. That I don't want any negatives in my life. I want the positives, please. I want to work on the positives and keep as much of the negatives out as possible.

I am not even sure this is a complete blog post. It's just a few thoughts, dropped onto virtual paper.

I wasn't sure whether I should publish this or not. Without details of the argument it isn't very interesting, but some of those details are truly unimportant. It helps to talk to people, to people who are close to us, to think about what is going on. About what happened, about how we are.

I am feeling a lot of things. Emotions, all over the place. Thoughts, ideas, plans.

I need to get myself together and continue. S. has come a long way. He needs to continue on his road. And so do I.

I finally decided to publish this on the day that it happened. In order to remember. To not forget. It might sound unimportant to remember a particular date. But the truth is, I won't be able to forget it anyways.