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So how shxt can the start of a day be? I think we hit an all time low here. What a lovely morning. It wasn't even morning. It was around 11 AM when he woke up. I was wide awake from 9 AM and had been struggling with sleeplessness and various noises for 2 hours when the shxt hit the fan. He had been smiling, being nice all over when he woke up. He said he has had bad dreams. And then, one thing led to the other and suddenly there was a very annoyed and very irritated man in front of me. And he was shouting at me. He shouted that I should "DEAL WITH" him. As in taking care of him, entertaining him. I thought I was doing just that. I was stroking and scratching his back, helping him fall back to sleep. In no less than two minutes he was a shouting beast. I didn't know what to do, I thought I had been comforting him. But NO. He was like an animal locked up in a cage. Who doesn't have enough space to move around. Getting angry. A lion or a tiger walking up and down.
Thankfully, he didn't eat me up and did calm down very quickly.
But I almost lost it. My marbles, my peace of mind. Later today I told him that obviously I am trying to help him and shouting my head off is not something that I can take much of. In the evening he said he was very sorry. I reassured him that I was very proud of him. It was a sort of sad moment, but there was a smile in his eyes.
Quitting and addiction must be difficult as hell, but you can't just go against the other person, especially if that person is trying to help.
I knew it wouldn't be easy.
The days definitely resemble a roller-coaster ride.
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I calculated today that on average he has 8 nicotine lozenges every day. Another thing I learned today was that the type of cigarettes he smoked (past tense!) contained about 0,7 mg of nicotine and 8 mg of tar. The lozenges are 4 mg, but what does that mean exactly? How much of 4 mgs is nicotine?
"For best results try to take a lozenge in situations when you are strongly
tempted to smoke. • During Step 1 (weeks 1 to 6) us at least 9 lozenges a day.
• Do not use more than one lozenge at a time. • Do not use more than 15
lozenges per day. • Do not eat or drink whilst taking a lozenge."
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We went to another yoga class today, his second time. Both of us did worse than yesterday, but who cares, we both made the effort and stayed in the room and did most of the postures. There are good days, there are bad days. In life and in the yoga class.
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Did I mention that a fortnight is done?
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