Before last week it was easiest to talk to everybody else but S. about quitting smoking, not at all easy to talk to S. about it. Last year I asked a bunch of people about what it was like when they quit, is there a magic method. Guess what the answer to that was.
I had difficulty bringing the topic up as in the past few months S. jumped at it (and at me) every time I mentioned it. Perhaps I began talking about the topic wrong. Wrong what? Wrong tone of voice? Wrong words? Wrong moment? I doubt that there ever is a right moment.
I must admit, I have been angry in the past about smoking. About seeing the living room day after day filling up with smoke. And him sitting in the middle of it. And me spending the day in the other room.
Smoke and smoking used to not bother me at all. I used to work at theaters where so many people smoke and this was before smoking was banned in public areas, so rehearsals were full of smoke. And some rooms at universities as well. I didn't care. People used to ask me whether I mind if they smoke while I eat. I was always surprised by this, I couldn't see how the two were connected. Go ahead, I said, every time, I don't mind. At that point many smokers looked at me like I was a bit crazy. Were they waiting for someone to tell them off, go to your room, stop that nonsense?
People used to ask me what it was like to live with a smoker. A heavy smoker, they said. I shrugged, and said, yes, but what could I do about it. This is how he is. It's part of him. But it's harmful they said, almost every time. At this point I thought, hello, do you think you have just revealed to me a great big secret only you knew about? Yes, I think it is harmful. But does living together necessarily mean you need to change the other person? Take away all their usual habits? And what can you offer in return?
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All in all the weekend went well. Much better than I expected. Several things didn't go as (I) planned, but that doesn't matter. We had a good time and S. was kept occupied enough.
Strangely enough, it was television that helped him over the weekend. There was a big screen TV at the serviced apartment we stayed at and S. watched a lot of it. We don't have a TV, you see, neither of us feel the need to get one. It's been several years since S. or I sat down to watch anything on a television set.
S. was fascinated with the TV. Like a child re-exploring a long-forgotten toy. He watched golf and rugby, buy this diamond ring, buy that appliance shows and was probably most amazed by a teleshop show offering 3 magnifying glass pens and a flat sheet of magnifying glass, all for about 6 quid or even less. There were also topless women on a bed dancing to the camera and offering naked photos of themselves and a chance to hear them talk "dirty" to you. S. of course commented on every pathetic detail and we laughed a lot.
"Please don't make TV the addiction you choose instead of smoking", I said. He said he wouldn't.
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We were with friends most of the day on Sunday. With D., B. and B. It was great to hear S. openly talk about quitting and we both told our friends about the weekend. B. (who has never smoked) said this is a tricky topic for him as all of his family smokes or smoked. His sister who had been smoking for a long time decided to quit one day and hasn't lit up ever since. She hadn't used patches, hadn't taken any help, just quit. B.'s Dad on the other hand had tried to quit on two occasions, both of which were complete failures and both of which were quite demanding times for the whole family. B. said he thinks his Dad will just continue to smoke and harm his body until the end. S. said this is what he had planned to do as well. To smoke and live as long as he can while smoking all his life.
B. said smoking is disgusting for him, it is smelly and expensive.
S. also talked about how hard it was, especially at the beginning of last week, how irritated he was. And that he was going to give it a month and if it doesn't work, he will give up quitting smoking forever. But yesterday he said it was going much better, so he is more positive.
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It's been 7 smokeless days. So far.
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