The flat smells nice. Almost 3 months done.
He has been confirmed by NHS as "officially a non-smoker". We went to our GP and a carbon monoxide breath test was done. Quick test with a quick result.
It was great to hear. Of course this was nothing new, but still it was amazing to hear from an NHS employee. It just was.
HURRAY!!!
Am so proud of S.
Monday, 29 April 2013
Sunday, 14 April 2013
The 70th Day
There are good days and there are bad. Yesterday was a very good day. We went to the butterfly exhibition at the Natural History Museum.
If you have time, go, visit!!! It's great for kids and adults. Some are very friendly and will peacefully settle down on your shoulder or hand. Some will watch you from a distance.
I am talking about the butterflies.
And you can see them come to life! Amazing.
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If you have time, go, visit!!! It's great for kids and adults. Some are very friendly and will peacefully settle down on your shoulder or hand. Some will watch you from a distance.
I am talking about the butterflies.
And you can see them come to life! Amazing.
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Sunday, 31 March 2013
The 56. Day
After a few gloomy weeks something good had to happen. Some good moments were needed. This was helped by having D., B. and B. stay over our place for the Easter holidays.
And...
This was a day of celebration. 8 weeks done. That is two months or 56 days. Actually, that is exactly 80640 minutes. That, my friends, is quite an achievement.
To celebrate I had a surprise for S. He didn!t know where he was going, what he was doing that afternoon. I bought the tickets in October, but could only reserve actual places a few weeks before, as this place just opened in February.
Where were we? Do you want to know?
It was this place.
Fresh, new, touristic landmark, London, UK. At our very own London Bridge.
It was fun. Going up 33 floors with one elevator, then up to the 69th with another. Then stairs to the 72. floor. Amazing view. We spent a few hours there, looking down, talking about trains and stations, where our flat could be located, what we could see and couldn't, where this building or that is. It was fun.
And a great way to celebrate those 80640 minutes. Well done, sir. I am very proud of you.
And...
This was a day of celebration. 8 weeks done. That is two months or 56 days. Actually, that is exactly 80640 minutes. That, my friends, is quite an achievement.
To celebrate I had a surprise for S. He didn!t know where he was going, what he was doing that afternoon. I bought the tickets in October, but could only reserve actual places a few weeks before, as this place just opened in February.
Where were we? Do you want to know?
It was this place.
Fresh, new, touristic landmark, London, UK. At our very own London Bridge.
It was fun. Going up 33 floors with one elevator, then up to the 69th with another. Then stairs to the 72. floor. Amazing view. We spent a few hours there, looking down, talking about trains and stations, where our flat could be located, what we could see and couldn't, where this building or that is. It was fun.
And a great way to celebrate those 80640 minutes. Well done, sir. I am very proud of you.
Friday, 15 March 2013
The 40th Day
Was a really awful day. My Mom was staying with us. S. and her had a very bad quarrel. Not the first, most probably not the last either.
This post is not about who was right or who was wrong. I am not even sure it is about smoking or not smoking. It is just about the bluntness I felt when it was all over. Or sadness. Both. That some things will not change. That some things are bigger than I am. That I don't want any negatives in my life. I want the positives, please. I want to work on the positives and keep as much of the negatives out as possible.
I am not even sure this is a complete blog post. It's just a few thoughts, dropped onto virtual paper.
I wasn't sure whether I should publish this or not. Without details of the argument it isn't very interesting, but some of those details are truly unimportant. It helps to talk to people, to people who are close to us, to think about what is going on. About what happened, about how we are.
I am feeling a lot of things. Emotions, all over the place. Thoughts, ideas, plans.
I need to get myself together and continue. S. has come a long way. He needs to continue on his road. And so do I.
I finally decided to publish this on the day that it happened. In order to remember. To not forget. It might sound unimportant to remember a particular date. But the truth is, I won't be able to forget it anyways.
This post is not about who was right or who was wrong. I am not even sure it is about smoking or not smoking. It is just about the bluntness I felt when it was all over. Or sadness. Both. That some things will not change. That some things are bigger than I am. That I don't want any negatives in my life. I want the positives, please. I want to work on the positives and keep as much of the negatives out as possible.
I am not even sure this is a complete blog post. It's just a few thoughts, dropped onto virtual paper.
I wasn't sure whether I should publish this or not. Without details of the argument it isn't very interesting, but some of those details are truly unimportant. It helps to talk to people, to people who are close to us, to think about what is going on. About what happened, about how we are.
I am feeling a lot of things. Emotions, all over the place. Thoughts, ideas, plans.
I need to get myself together and continue. S. has come a long way. He needs to continue on his road. And so do I.
I finally decided to publish this on the day that it happened. In order to remember. To not forget. It might sound unimportant to remember a particular date. But the truth is, I won't be able to forget it anyways.
Thursday, 14 March 2013
The 39. Day
Yesterday we went to Sainsbury's briefly to buy a new box of lozenges. S. decided to go for the same type, but with less nicotine in it. Goodbye 4 mgs, hello 2 mgs!
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My Mom is in town, when she arrived straight away she said a bit congratulations to S. for quitting smoking.
She was a bit shy it at first and asked me if it's okay to talk to S. about quitting. She wasn't sure how he would react about her raising the topic. She said she is very proud of him because of this, that it is a great achievement. I said yes, please, good questions and comments are very welcome please do tell him what you think. So she did. I think it made him feel good.
Praise is very important.
It is always very important for everyone. But when you are quitting smoking, it is increasingly so.
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My Mom is in town, when she arrived straight away she said a bit congratulations to S. for quitting smoking.
She was a bit shy it at first and asked me if it's okay to talk to S. about quitting. She wasn't sure how he would react about her raising the topic. She said she is very proud of him because of this, that it is a great achievement. I said yes, please, good questions and comments are very welcome please do tell him what you think. So she did. I think it made him feel good.
Praise is very important.
It is always very important for everyone. But when you are quitting smoking, it is increasingly so.
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
The 38. Day
S. told me a few days ago that when he goes out to have a break at work or anywhere else to have a chat with people who smoke, he takes lozenges with him and has one or two. He tends to have the lozenges outside, so that he can still have the "I am going out to have a smoke" feeling in a way. And sometimes he has lozenges inside. Depends on his mood.
S. thinks the amount of lozenges he needs will gradually decrease. He thinks he will just naturally need less and less.
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Last night S. watched a movie on his laptop in the bedroom. He hadn't ever smoked in the bedroom, that was a rule he had established himself. I was doing a bit of cleaning in the evening and told him he could watch his movie in the bedroom. Now that he doesn't smoke, he can just go ahead and watch it in the bedroom, no problemo. That must have been a first in a long time, if not the very first time since he moved into this flat about eight years ago.
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By the way, the several helicopter crashes our living room has been experiencing these past few weeks have left a few scars... It's actually been much more funny than sad.
S. thinks the amount of lozenges he needs will gradually decrease. He thinks he will just naturally need less and less.
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Last night S. watched a movie on his laptop in the bedroom. He hadn't ever smoked in the bedroom, that was a rule he had established himself. I was doing a bit of cleaning in the evening and told him he could watch his movie in the bedroom. Now that he doesn't smoke, he can just go ahead and watch it in the bedroom, no problemo. That must have been a first in a long time, if not the very first time since he moved into this flat about eight years ago.
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By the way, the several helicopter crashes our living room has been experiencing these past few weeks have left a few scars... It's actually been much more funny than sad.
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
The 37. Day
Woops, I just realized that I forgot to say that S. solved the metal puzzle 1.5 days after receiving it...
See proof below.
My sister, I.'s reply was:
"Damn! That was fast. Well done! But we expected nothing less. Next time it will be more difficult ;)"
It's because of e-mails like this that I love I. so much.
Monday, 11 March 2013
The 36. Day
When does one stop counting the days?
No yet, anyways.
If S. is able to not reach for a cigarette for a half year or a year, I can make the effort to write this blog every day, can't I.
Yes, you can.
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Today is a strange day, we both stayed home, off sick. Throat hurts, but not so bad anymore. It's just a lot of sneezing, coughing, headaches. We slept a lot, then went to get some food. And old shop assistant at Sainsbury's nearby asked at the cashier whether we need any Blue Camels or not. I said "no, thank you". He was surprised and asked, "you don't need it?". I said, "no, he has quit". S. smiled, sort of, and the old man said to S. "you don't look very enthusiastic". It was a bit awkward, as S. didn't really want to continue talking about this with a stranger, but the old man pressed on a bit too long and he didn't really have much to say, but did congratulate S. on the matter.
So, although slightly odd moments, it was good that someone else noticed that S. has quit smoking. Another person noticed, one more person congratulated him. I think this is great, too.
No yet, anyways.
If S. is able to not reach for a cigarette for a half year or a year, I can make the effort to write this blog every day, can't I.
Yes, you can.
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Today is a strange day, we both stayed home, off sick. Throat hurts, but not so bad anymore. It's just a lot of sneezing, coughing, headaches. We slept a lot, then went to get some food. And old shop assistant at Sainsbury's nearby asked at the cashier whether we need any Blue Camels or not. I said "no, thank you". He was surprised and asked, "you don't need it?". I said, "no, he has quit". S. smiled, sort of, and the old man said to S. "you don't look very enthusiastic". It was a bit awkward, as S. didn't really want to continue talking about this with a stranger, but the old man pressed on a bit too long and he didn't really have much to say, but did congratulate S. on the matter.
So, although slightly odd moments, it was good that someone else noticed that S. has quit smoking. Another person noticed, one more person congratulated him. I think this is great, too.
Sunday, 10 March 2013
The 35. Day
When we met D. and Z. on Saturday, D. (a smoker) said Z. (who quit about 6 months ago) told me the big news that S. was not smoking, so do you have big news? We both looked at her, puzzled. "A., are you pregnant, is that your big news, is this why S. has quit smoking?".
No, we said, he just quit smoking. No, I am not pregnant. It's interesting how you must have a reason to quit. Why can't your reason be that you want to quit?
Yes, we are trying to have a baby, yes, it's been a while. Also, I would never ask anything like this, when people want to tell me something I am happy to listen. But I don't ask.
Although they are good friends, they are close, so I would not mind sharing with them most any sort of news. And I don't mind them asking. I always say to questions like this, that I will tell you when I have such news, don't worry, I won't send you clues, i will tell you the real thing.
People always look at me a bit puzzled when I say this. Not sure why.
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I am guilty of not publishing for the the past days, just taking notes. Although I have promised to write a post a day. That's not good. I need to keep writing every day and publishing every day.
I do have two reasons for not posting. My laptop looked like it died on Friday. And it looked like I may have been (at least somewhat) responsible for it. S. nursed it back to life Friday/Saturday. It took at least a day. But now it's back and I have to do my stuff from now on. Every day.
We also have been sick, S. started it, with a bad sore throat, then a cold and cough. I followed him, so we are now both sneezing and coughing.
No more excuses. I have to continue. What would happen if S. stopped quitting for a day, just because of this or just because of that?
Saturday, 9 March 2013
The 34. Day
E. and T. (3,5 years old) were here. E. was wondering how come S. has started doing yoga as well. You see, it was E. who first introduced me to Bikram Yoga. So I told her that S. quit smoking. E. was totally amazed and excited and wanted to know all details of the process. She smokes and so does her partner, but neither smokes a lot, I don't think.
So I did tell her the details. When we got to the flat, the three of us talked a lot about yoga, teachers, our experience what we like and don't like about it. The different styles yoga teachers have. We talked about a lot of other stuff too, we haven't seen them for a long time. It was a very good afternoon, with Lego, food and a little helicopter flying by every hour.
It was great to see such amazement in E.'s eyes, she is someone who truly appreciates our achievements.
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Oh, by the way, another surprise arrived for S., a package from B. It's a metal puzzle sent by my sister, I. and her boyfriend N.
All of us tried to solve it this afternoon, including the 3,5 years old T. We told him he could have any chocolate he wanted if he solved it. ANY. That was a bit nasty to say, as none of us adults could solve it, although all of us tried it, someone was continuously trying to solve it all afternoon. No luck.
Well, it is "difficulty level 4"! Why not level 1, oh, why not? Calm down, it's not your gift. I am usually terrible at puzzles as such. Anyways, it's fun to try again and again.
Great gift, thank you, I. and N.!!!
Friday, 8 March 2013
The 33. Day
We went out tonight to celebrate D.'s birthday at the Narrow Boat. Again, I was a bit worried about an evening out with friends and friends of friends, as some of them are bound to go outside and have a smoke after a while. A smoke and a chat.
I completely trust S., I didn't think he would start smoking on an occasion as such, but I just don't want him to have a bad time or feel frustrated because of this.
When it was time to go outside with smokers he stood up and said "I am now going out to have a smoke." "Good", I said. Off he went.
Thursday, 7 March 2013
The 32. Day
I asked him how he was doing these days. I don't usually ask, I just listen. But having not talked about this with him for a while now, I decided to ask.
He said it's all good, but there is always something missing. Something very good. Something that is impossible to replace.
He also said he doesn't miss it all the time. He doesn't think about it all the time. I think that's pretty good. S. explained that whenever at work or at home he is done with something and wants to have a break he thinks of going outside, having something nice, a coffee perhaps and also something else. He then thinks of having a cigarette. But he knows he can't have that. This doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen.
S. also told me that he doesn't continuously take the lozenges. He sometimes forgets to have a lozenge all morning. The other day he forgot all about it for 5 hours. He didn't think about cigarettes, lozenges, so anything to do with nicotine for 5 hours, in the middle of the day.
I think this is huge.
Wednesday, 6 March 2013
The 31. Day
I just received this image from my lovely sister, I. She wrote "it kind of reminded me of what you wrote the other day :)"... She is apparently one of the few who knows about this blog and follows it, too. It's good to know that I have a regular reader!
I realize that all arguments these days are more heated than usual. I guess I just have to live with that for now. It's not easy, but at the same time it is not at all just bad. There are a lot smiles, too. And come to think of it, there is no smoke in the flat. Things smell nice. He smells nice. In the long run it will improve his health. And mine, too. I can say I have quit secondary smoking. And even though other problems remain, life just generally feels a bit lighter. Going to a park IS actually about getting some fresh air.
Perhaps once every hour a small, yellow helicopter flies by. And sometimes, if I am lucky, it lands on my hand.
I realize that all arguments these days are more heated than usual. I guess I just have to live with that for now. It's not easy, but at the same time it is not at all just bad. There are a lot smiles, too. And come to think of it, there is no smoke in the flat. Things smell nice. He smells nice. In the long run it will improve his health. And mine, too. I can say I have quit secondary smoking. And even though other problems remain, life just generally feels a bit lighter. Going to a park IS actually about getting some fresh air.
Perhaps once every hour a small, yellow helicopter flies by. And sometimes, if I am lucky, it lands on my hand.
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
The 30. Day
Not a good night, not a good morning.
I remember a really bad night almost exactly a month ago. It was 2 days after he quit and we did not sleep much that night, he was very irritated. That was the night before he bought the lozenges.
Perhaps it's not the best days for me either. I want to get a lot done, I want to move forward, but I am very slow and lazy. This sounds awful, but it's the truth. I also have a lot of admin to sort out which, surprisingly, is not my favorite thing in the world.
So perhaps I am not always the best listener either. I gotta get myself together. I must. We need to continue. A month is a great achievement, it's a huge achievement, but it is also only the first month of many.
I suppose some posts are gloomier than others.
We need to sleep more, too.
I remember a really bad night almost exactly a month ago. It was 2 days after he quit and we did not sleep much that night, he was very irritated. That was the night before he bought the lozenges.
Perhaps it's not the best days for me either. I want to get a lot done, I want to move forward, but I am very slow and lazy. This sounds awful, but it's the truth. I also have a lot of admin to sort out which, surprisingly, is not my favorite thing in the world.
So perhaps I am not always the best listener either. I gotta get myself together. I must. We need to continue. A month is a great achievement, it's a huge achievement, but it is also only the first month of many.
I suppose some posts are gloomier than others.
We need to sleep more, too.
Monday, 4 March 2013
The 29. Day
Yesterday S. said that as a result of the cigar he only had one lozenge. And when we went out in the evening he forgot the lozenges at home. And didn't seem irritated or at a loss. Just said that he left them at home.
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I continue to look for advice and ideas helpful to innocent bystanders such as myself. The American Heart Association has some Tips for Friends and Family of Quitters. According to their article I am doing pretty well. We both are.
Amazing how many websites there are giving advice about this. Have all these pages been written by non-smokers? Or are these people mostly ex-smokers or in the process of quitting? Are they doing this as part of their "treatment" to help them concentrate on something other than smoking? It would be good to have a bit of an insight on this, but it's unlikely to happen.
An article by the Center for Tobacco Research and Intervention, University of Wisconsin Medical School also has some interesting points, for example:
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I continue to look for advice and ideas helpful to innocent bystanders such as myself. The American Heart Association has some Tips for Friends and Family of Quitters. According to their article I am doing pretty well. We both are.
Amazing how many websites there are giving advice about this. Have all these pages been written by non-smokers? Or are these people mostly ex-smokers or in the process of quitting? Are they doing this as part of their "treatment" to help them concentrate on something other than smoking? It would be good to have a bit of an insight on this, but it's unlikely to happen.
An article by the Center for Tobacco Research and Intervention, University of Wisconsin Medical School also has some interesting points, for example:
- Nicotine affects the pleasure pathways in the brain; affects serotonin/dopamine levels
- Smoking delivers nicotine to the brain in 7 seconds which causes a positive reinforcement for smoking
- Nicotine is both a stimulant and reduces anxiety.
And this website isn't bad either, just reading their "13 best ever tips to stop smoking" is helpful. Again, looks like we are on the right track.
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As you can see I did not decide to include the most cheerful bits of information here. Rather, I went for this one:
No. 13: Do it for your health
There's more than the financial reward to consider. Cancer Research UK says smoking kills five times more people than road accidents, overdoses, murder, suicide and HIV together. Stopping smoking has immediate health benefits. It lowers your blood pressure and reduces your pulse after only 20 minutes. Within eight hours, oxygen and carbon monoxide levels in your blood return to normal. After two days your sense of taste and smell start to return. Long-term benefits include reduced risk of coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer and other cancers.
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Today is the copter competition. And I don't get to see it! Never mind. I hope out little yellow friend survives the encounter and will be back home safe and sound.
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We are off to another yoga class tonight. Wish us luck, it's been five days since we have last done yoga and it feels like a week or two already.
Sunday, 3 March 2013
The 28. Day
We slept late this morning (until noon, which is record for me). So there was no time to make blueberry pancakes, which is a shame as B. brought us a can of original Canadian Maple syrup! So B. was off for some more London sightseeing and we decided to get breakfast from The Teapot café and walk it Horniman Park.
There we found a nice bench, had breakfast and S. had his well-deserved cigar.
We also took Albee with us, just in case.
What a lovely, sunny day in London. A bit of cigar smoke, too, but that won't hurt.
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On the way to the park S. said that he thought he deserved some praise about how good he is, and a bit of talking about how well he is doing and how the flat smelled these days.
He received his rightful assortment of praises. The flat smells nice and fresh, the washed clothes smell great and so does he. I told him all this, in detail.
He smiled.
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I didn't know a cigar takes so long to smoke. Or did it just seem long? I wasn't impatient or anything like that, this is a purely observational comment. S. enjoyed it a lot.
A kid tried to approach us when S. lit the cigar, but his Dad guided him away from us. That was a bit funny.
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S. announced that he would like to receive another cigar after another month is done. Agreed.
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I asked him how many times he had tried to quit before my time. He said I shouldn't call it "trying to quit", but "quit". He said he quit for a half year in his early twenties. He then went out for a coffee with a friend and the friend needed a bit of an emotional boost and advice. So his first cigarette after six months was a solidarity smoke. Which got him back onto smoking. For another 13 years.
But that was then.
Now is NOW.
It's been a month today, when he last smoked a cigarette.
CONGRATULATIONS, S.!
HATS OFF TO YOU. I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU.
There we found a nice bench, had breakfast and S. had his well-deserved cigar.
We also took Albee with us, just in case.
What a lovely, sunny day in London. A bit of cigar smoke, too, but that won't hurt.
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On the way to the park S. said that he thought he deserved some praise about how good he is, and a bit of talking about how well he is doing and how the flat smelled these days.
He received his rightful assortment of praises. The flat smells nice and fresh, the washed clothes smell great and so does he. I told him all this, in detail.
He smiled.
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I didn't know a cigar takes so long to smoke. Or did it just seem long? I wasn't impatient or anything like that, this is a purely observational comment. S. enjoyed it a lot.
A kid tried to approach us when S. lit the cigar, but his Dad guided him away from us. That was a bit funny.
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S. announced that he would like to receive another cigar after another month is done. Agreed.
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I asked him how many times he had tried to quit before my time. He said I shouldn't call it "trying to quit", but "quit". He said he quit for a half year in his early twenties. He then went out for a coffee with a friend and the friend needed a bit of an emotional boost and advice. So his first cigarette after six months was a solidarity smoke. Which got him back onto smoking. For another 13 years.
But that was then.
Now is NOW.
It's been a month today, when he last smoked a cigarette.
CONGRATULATIONS, S.!
HATS OFF TO YOU. I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU.
Saturday, 2 March 2013
The 27. Day
B. arrived yesterday from Vancouver to stay with us for a few days. He doesn't smoke, which is good. And he has other good qualities, too, of course! But for the purposes of this blog this is a very important fact. He is the first house guest we have since S. quit smoking.
I went to greet B. at the airport. I just thought it is better to arrive this way, especially if you are not so familiar with this huge city. He was very glad to see me at the airport.
As our way back included changing tubes at Green park station I asked if he would mind if we got something done first, before going home. He had a heavy bag, but he didn't mind.
I knew about a cigar shop just ten minutes walk from Green park station. This shop, close to Piccadilly, was probably frequented by tourists, was a mixture where you can buy cigarettes, cigars and pipes and all else involved. Two shop assistant girls tried to help me, but did not seem to know much about cigars and they probably never smoked a cigar before. I am sure they had received some sort of training about cigars and tried to be helpful but it did not show much. And I am a non-smoker and likewise have very little knowledge about tobacco products, I did not think my case was in good hands. But they did recommend a shop just a few blocks down the road.
Now, this was the type of shop you imagine when you want to go to a good old-fashioned cigar shop. The smell of cigar in the air, a cigar stub in an astray on the table closest to the entrance door. When you walk in, you see it. I told the very helpful and nice shop assistant straight away: "I don't know anything about cigars". He patiently informed me of the options, recommended some and answered all y stupid questions. He said the receipt would include the name of the cigar, because I knew I wouldn't be able to remember it. What he did was in his very shy and clumsy way ripped off the price from the receipt, held it up to show me, then dropped it into the bag containing the cigar. A nice touch.
So this was the first thing B. did in London this time was visit a cigar shop. He didn't mind at all.
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Today was the first time in almost a month that S. spent so many hours at home, on his own. We left the flat around 11 am and S. met us in Shoreditch around 9:30 pm. Together we had some mediocre wine, though the place called itself a "Wine Bar", yeah right. And some fondue made from Emmental, Gruyere and Gorgonzola cheese with bread, potato and salad. It was all nice, but apart from the fondue itself a bit plain for the price. And service charge was included, which I hate, especially as service was not the best. Oh, well, what can you do.
Anyways, S. spent his time 3D modelling and playing every hour with the new helicopter which arrived on Friday. And he was fine.
All day.
Friday, 1 March 2013
The 26. Day
I just reread the interview I did with É. and I pretty happy about it. Perhaps some day I will be conducting a similar interview with S.
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Unfortunately, the little yellow helicopter died a few days ago. It bumped into one too many things. The ceiling, walls, plants, bookshelves and table were not his friends. May you rest in helicopter peace and dream of flying high.
Next helicopter is on it's way. No, no different from its forefather. Exactly the same.
Hopefully, a touch luckier.
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It will soon be a month since S. quit smoking. He asked me to buy him a cigar to celebrate. Just one, "but make it a good one", he said. I hope 1 cigar is not the starting point (or continuing point) of hundreds of cigarettes. NO! It's a cigar, stupid. It will be alright. And he has will power.
"Mind over matter"" :-)
NO. Really!
He does have tremendous willpower, and I know it.
Anyways, calm down. My job is the acquisition, not the worrying.
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Unfortunately, the little yellow helicopter died a few days ago. It bumped into one too many things. The ceiling, walls, plants, bookshelves and table were not his friends. May you rest in helicopter peace and dream of flying high.
Next helicopter is on it's way. No, no different from its forefather. Exactly the same.
Hopefully, a touch luckier.
-----
It will soon be a month since S. quit smoking. He asked me to buy him a cigar to celebrate. Just one, "but make it a good one", he said. I hope 1 cigar is not the starting point (or continuing point) of hundreds of cigarettes. NO! It's a cigar, stupid. It will be alright. And he has will power.
"Mind over matter"" :-)
NO. Really!
He does have tremendous willpower, and I know it.
Anyways, calm down. My job is the acquisition, not the worrying.
Thursday, 28 February 2013
The 25. Day
I have decided to further pursue my research and get people to tell their quitting story. I might ask people who have tried to quit but did not quit in the end a well. I hope to learn something from them. I am sure I will. I plan to ask (almost) the same questions from everyone.
I conducted the first of these interviews on Skype yesterday. É., will be 80 in a few months. Her mother was my adopted grandmother. So along with my grandmother my family and I adopted É. too, her and her family. This was many-many years ago. It doesn't matter anymore who adopted who.
So here is É.'s story.
AV: When and why did you smoke your first cigarette?
É: I don't remember my very first cigarette. What I do remember was that it was a totally conscious decision. I spent my whole childhood knowing that one day I would smoke. You see, my grandmother, Sz.'s brother smoked a lot. This uncle, he was in labour service and died during the war. His smoking ritual was the most beautiful thing. The way he rolled a cigarette, the tobacco, the cigarette paper, I can still see it today, he rolled it, than he licked the paper, always, he always licked the cigarette paper. It was simply delicious. I loved watching this whole procedure. So I imitated him as a child and I took pieces of toilet paper and rolled them up like a cigarette, licked it and letting it dangle from my mouth. Of course it always became soggy soon, dripping from saliva. So I rolled another one. I just loved that ritual. My Mother, K. saw this and asked me to at least wait until I was 18 to start smoking. So I thought no problem, but I knew for sure that the moment I turn eighteen, I will start smoking. I turned eighteen and I lit my very first cigarette. I smoked for more than 40 years after that. It was a conscious decision.
AV: How did you quit?
É: My Mother ("Anyám") had heard about a Health Centre nearby which had offered a quit smoking service. They said they would pay half the fee and you only had to pay the other half. This was at the end of the 80's and 12 000 Forints (35 GBP) was a lot of money in those days. The Health Centre would pay the other 12. They gave me nicotine patches to wear for about a month. I had to put them on myself, one day on the right arm, the next day on the left arm, and so on. The amount of nicotine within the patches depended on how much you had smoked. I smoked about 20 a day. My Mother was so eager for me to quit that she offered to pay out part of the fee. To my surprise the people at the centre were nice, they did not pressure me, didn't tell me all the bad things that would happen to me if I wouldn't quit. I asked them what would happen if I smoked a cigarette while having a patch on me, they said I might get nicotine poisoning. Whether this was true or not, I don't know, but it did scare me to death at the time.
AV: Who or what made you quit?
É: My Mother. She was on my case about this all the time. She had heard a lot of bad things about smoking. She wanted me to quit very badly. And you know how she was when she wanted something to get done... It was also very expensive to smoke. I am really glad now that I quit.
I remember my last cigarette. We were with M. and family, you know they have a country house, we arrived there, I got out of the car. I had a cigarette and I knew it was to be the last one. I had smoked for more than 40 years.
AV: Apart from the health centre, was there anything else that helped you?
É: I know people like to have candy or something to chew on, but I was never a fan of sweets. So I bought myself an inhalator with a mint taste. I chewed on this, all the time, like crazy. Than when it fell apart, I bought another one. And another one.
These days I hear one can buy electronic cigarettes. That must be helpful, too, but I bet it still doesn't feel as good as the real thing.
When I was pregnant, nobody warned me, nobody said to me you shouldn't smoke as it can harm the child. There were so many things back than that they never warned you about. If you had a miscarriage, they just said, well, that's just the way it is.
AV: What do you miss the most about it?
É.: The whole ceremony of it, for sure. Taking the lighter out, that first inhale is sooo good.
AV: How long did it take you to fully quit?
É: It's now been about 20 years. Yes, 20 years this year. It took me many, many-many long years to really quit. It never bothered me if others smoked around me, but it still took me a long time. For years I thought oh, how wonderful it would be to have a smoke. With my coffee, just one after this meal, when we went out, oh, boy, it would be great to light up. But I didn't. It took years. I know there are people who quit for years and then because of some event in their life they suddenly go back to smoking as if nothing had happened.
You know what they say. You can't really quit smoking. All you can do is stop.
AV: Any tricks or advice for someone who is trying to quit?
É: Patches worked for me. Perhaps try getting an X-ray of his lungs now, after smoking intensively for so many years and then again after a half year or a year. So that he can see the difference in what his lungs look like. That might be effective.
But the truth is, it is down to just one thing. It depends on you, your willpower, nothing else.
I conducted the first of these interviews on Skype yesterday. É., will be 80 in a few months. Her mother was my adopted grandmother. So along with my grandmother my family and I adopted É. too, her and her family. This was many-many years ago. It doesn't matter anymore who adopted who.
So here is É.'s story.
AV: When and why did you smoke your first cigarette?
É: I don't remember my very first cigarette. What I do remember was that it was a totally conscious decision. I spent my whole childhood knowing that one day I would smoke. You see, my grandmother, Sz.'s brother smoked a lot. This uncle, he was in labour service and died during the war. His smoking ritual was the most beautiful thing. The way he rolled a cigarette, the tobacco, the cigarette paper, I can still see it today, he rolled it, than he licked the paper, always, he always licked the cigarette paper. It was simply delicious. I loved watching this whole procedure. So I imitated him as a child and I took pieces of toilet paper and rolled them up like a cigarette, licked it and letting it dangle from my mouth. Of course it always became soggy soon, dripping from saliva. So I rolled another one. I just loved that ritual. My Mother, K. saw this and asked me to at least wait until I was 18 to start smoking. So I thought no problem, but I knew for sure that the moment I turn eighteen, I will start smoking. I turned eighteen and I lit my very first cigarette. I smoked for more than 40 years after that. It was a conscious decision.
AV: How did you quit?
É: My Mother ("Anyám") had heard about a Health Centre nearby which had offered a quit smoking service. They said they would pay half the fee and you only had to pay the other half. This was at the end of the 80's and 12 000 Forints (35 GBP) was a lot of money in those days. The Health Centre would pay the other 12. They gave me nicotine patches to wear for about a month. I had to put them on myself, one day on the right arm, the next day on the left arm, and so on. The amount of nicotine within the patches depended on how much you had smoked. I smoked about 20 a day. My Mother was so eager for me to quit that she offered to pay out part of the fee. To my surprise the people at the centre were nice, they did not pressure me, didn't tell me all the bad things that would happen to me if I wouldn't quit. I asked them what would happen if I smoked a cigarette while having a patch on me, they said I might get nicotine poisoning. Whether this was true or not, I don't know, but it did scare me to death at the time.
AV: Who or what made you quit?
É: My Mother. She was on my case about this all the time. She had heard a lot of bad things about smoking. She wanted me to quit very badly. And you know how she was when she wanted something to get done... It was also very expensive to smoke. I am really glad now that I quit.
I remember my last cigarette. We were with M. and family, you know they have a country house, we arrived there, I got out of the car. I had a cigarette and I knew it was to be the last one. I had smoked for more than 40 years.
AV: Apart from the health centre, was there anything else that helped you?
É: I know people like to have candy or something to chew on, but I was never a fan of sweets. So I bought myself an inhalator with a mint taste. I chewed on this, all the time, like crazy. Than when it fell apart, I bought another one. And another one.
These days I hear one can buy electronic cigarettes. That must be helpful, too, but I bet it still doesn't feel as good as the real thing.
When I was pregnant, nobody warned me, nobody said to me you shouldn't smoke as it can harm the child. There were so many things back than that they never warned you about. If you had a miscarriage, they just said, well, that's just the way it is.
AV: What do you miss the most about it?
É.: The whole ceremony of it, for sure. Taking the lighter out, that first inhale is sooo good.
AV: How long did it take you to fully quit?
É: It's now been about 20 years. Yes, 20 years this year. It took me many, many-many long years to really quit. It never bothered me if others smoked around me, but it still took me a long time. For years I thought oh, how wonderful it would be to have a smoke. With my coffee, just one after this meal, when we went out, oh, boy, it would be great to light up. But I didn't. It took years. I know there are people who quit for years and then because of some event in their life they suddenly go back to smoking as if nothing had happened.
You know what they say. You can't really quit smoking. All you can do is stop.
AV: Any tricks or advice for someone who is trying to quit?
É: Patches worked for me. Perhaps try getting an X-ray of his lungs now, after smoking intensively for so many years and then again after a half year or a year. So that he can see the difference in what his lungs look like. That might be effective.
But the truth is, it is down to just one thing. It depends on you, your willpower, nothing else.
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
The 24. Day
The package sent by dear friends contained a lot of great Hungarian magazines and even a few we wouldn't normally buy or have easy access to. To add to the surprise, there were even two lovely magnets in the package, one for each of us. S. was very happy to receive it all. Thank you, friends, G. and Zs.!
-----
By the way S. is still not reading this blog. We do talk about it occasionally and he knows I record his progress and what we do together. He said he wouldn't read it for the time. But he does like that it exists.
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
The 23. Day
Yes, package has arrived!
Only about 8 or 9 more hours until he receives it in his hands. I have work to do in the meantime, need to focus!
I am looking forward to this one, yesss!
-----
The other day S. and I head an argument. Doesn't matter what it was about and yes, we did calm down in the end, came back to Earth and continued to live on. But in the moments of heated argument I did say a really bad sentence which I shouldn't have. It was something about him being such an asshole since he had quit smoking and something else about it not being fair that because he is not smoking he can take it all out on me.
I could have helped it, I chose not to.
Am I an idiot? Perhaps. But sometimes I lose it and I don't even think it's a sin. It can be very difficult and arguments can go pretty deep.
It would have been better not to say what I have said. But it's already out there.
-----
Sally: You can't take it back.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: Because it's already out there.
Harry: Oh jeez. What are we supposed to do? Call the cops? It's already out there!
/from When Harry Met Sally/
-----
Later that day S. asked me not to say to him anything as such again. I promised.
I am very sorry for saying it.
-----
Only about 8 or 9 more hours until he receives it in his hands. I have work to do in the meantime, need to focus!
I am looking forward to this one, yesss!
-----
The other day S. and I head an argument. Doesn't matter what it was about and yes, we did calm down in the end, came back to Earth and continued to live on. But in the moments of heated argument I did say a really bad sentence which I shouldn't have. It was something about him being such an asshole since he had quit smoking and something else about it not being fair that because he is not smoking he can take it all out on me.
I could have helped it, I chose not to.
Am I an idiot? Perhaps. But sometimes I lose it and I don't even think it's a sin. It can be very difficult and arguments can go pretty deep.
It would have been better not to say what I have said. But it's already out there.
-----
Sally: You can't take it back.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: Because it's already out there.
Harry: Oh jeez. What are we supposed to do? Call the cops? It's already out there!
/from When Harry Met Sally/
-----
Later that day S. asked me not to say to him anything as such again. I promised.
I am very sorry for saying it.
-----
Monday, 25 February 2013
The 22. Day
Another yoga class tonight. And on both days over the weekend. I got into an argument with the yoga teacher, oh, yeah, me of all people. I am usually the calmest, most reserved, nicest... Or am I, now? I think I might have changed a bit (a lot) over the past few years. I do like to say what I think. There is more and more of that these days. And guess what?! People don't like honesty much.
Except for S. He likes that I sometimes pick my fights and I don't hide my opinion.
Anyways, I was down and out in Bikram yoga class Sunday night. It just hit me about two thirds through the class. Had a hard time breathing, the room was unusually hot and most of all I was feeling nauseous. So I sat down to have a break. The best thing you can do in this hot yoga class is to wait it out until the nauseous or whatever it is that is bothering you goes away. I decided to sit for a bit, then lie down. The yoga teacher, a very young looking girl comes over and asks if everything was alright. I told her I'll be okay, not feeling good at the moment. She asks something else, I sort of nod. I don't want to talk much more, I am feel like shit. I am wonder why she doesn't get it straight away. You come over, you ask, you have done your job, now you need to leave me alone. She then tells me I shouldn't lie down with my feet this way as it is disrespectful to the teacher. Disrespectful. What's that got to do with anything? I am working so hard, sweating like a big, and currently just simply trying to breath. I might throw up on you if you don't go away this second. I didn't and she did move, finally. Perhaps because after a while I stopped talking to her.
After a few minutes I was back to the postures and continued on doing them until the end of the class.
The class ended, and straight after class people like to sit outside in the foyer to catch their breath. I was sitting there, the teacher comes over and asks if I was alright. AGAIN. At first I was very polite and said yes, I am fine, I just don't like to talk when I am feeling nauseous. People with brains would leave me alone at this point, no? But she keeps going. AGAIN she said that the reason she said I should lie down the other way was that it was disrespectful to lie with my feet towards the teacher.
So I said "I don't think that's true".
She said, "but it is".
I said, "Who said this, was it Bikram?"
She said, "No, it wasn't Bikram, it wasn't me, it has been known for hundreds of years".
I said, "Well, it's still makes no sense whatsoever". I refused to say anything to her after that and she finally gave up and left from my side.
"Mind over matter" is one of Bikram yoga's many slogan. So who cares then which way my feet are lying?
I have a few years experience in this type of yoga, even though I have been doing it on and off most of the time. But this bucket of crap about respect has not been said by any of the other teachers. And neither has anybody been so unwilling to knowledge how you should treat others and what to and not to do when they are feeling sick. And you want to be a teacher? Teaching people? Really?
-----
This post has been about me, not S. Well, it's been a little bit about him, too. He has taught me and encouraged me throughout the years to stand up for myself and not take all ridiculous nonsense that people throw at you all the time. And of course it is they who get offended. What a surprise.
-----
We don't sleep enough these days. I don't know why. You'd think we'd sleep much more, based on the amount of exercise we do these days.
-----
Eagerly awaiting a certain surprise package.
Except for S. He likes that I sometimes pick my fights and I don't hide my opinion.
Anyways, I was down and out in Bikram yoga class Sunday night. It just hit me about two thirds through the class. Had a hard time breathing, the room was unusually hot and most of all I was feeling nauseous. So I sat down to have a break. The best thing you can do in this hot yoga class is to wait it out until the nauseous or whatever it is that is bothering you goes away. I decided to sit for a bit, then lie down. The yoga teacher, a very young looking girl comes over and asks if everything was alright. I told her I'll be okay, not feeling good at the moment. She asks something else, I sort of nod. I don't want to talk much more, I am feel like shit. I am wonder why she doesn't get it straight away. You come over, you ask, you have done your job, now you need to leave me alone. She then tells me I shouldn't lie down with my feet this way as it is disrespectful to the teacher. Disrespectful. What's that got to do with anything? I am working so hard, sweating like a big, and currently just simply trying to breath. I might throw up on you if you don't go away this second. I didn't and she did move, finally. Perhaps because after a while I stopped talking to her.
After a few minutes I was back to the postures and continued on doing them until the end of the class.
The class ended, and straight after class people like to sit outside in the foyer to catch their breath. I was sitting there, the teacher comes over and asks if I was alright. AGAIN. At first I was very polite and said yes, I am fine, I just don't like to talk when I am feeling nauseous. People with brains would leave me alone at this point, no? But she keeps going. AGAIN she said that the reason she said I should lie down the other way was that it was disrespectful to lie with my feet towards the teacher.
So I said "I don't think that's true".
She said, "but it is".
I said, "Who said this, was it Bikram?"
She said, "No, it wasn't Bikram, it wasn't me, it has been known for hundreds of years".
I said, "Well, it's still makes no sense whatsoever". I refused to say anything to her after that and she finally gave up and left from my side.
"Mind over matter" is one of Bikram yoga's many slogan. So who cares then which way my feet are lying?
I have a few years experience in this type of yoga, even though I have been doing it on and off most of the time. But this bucket of crap about respect has not been said by any of the other teachers. And neither has anybody been so unwilling to knowledge how you should treat others and what to and not to do when they are feeling sick. And you want to be a teacher? Teaching people? Really?
-----
This post has been about me, not S. Well, it's been a little bit about him, too. He has taught me and encouraged me throughout the years to stand up for myself and not take all ridiculous nonsense that people throw at you all the time. And of course it is they who get offended. What a surprise.
-----
We don't sleep enough these days. I don't know why. You'd think we'd sleep much more, based on the amount of exercise we do these days.
-----
Eagerly awaiting a certain surprise package.
Sunday, 24 February 2013
The 21. Day
As you can see (if by any chance there are any regular readers out there) I just changed the template. Should I bring the old one back ? I miss it a bit. But I think the text is a bit more legible this way. Am I wrong? All comments welcome!
-----
Last night we went to a gig with friends. While standing in line to get into the venue S. told friends (Z. and M.) that he has been smoke-free for three weeks.
Z.: "You, what?"
S.: "I quit smoking. This is the third week".
Amazement in Z.'s eyes.
It's been 6 months since Z. quit, actually. Quite a guy. He had been a heavy smoker, too.
S. and Z. congratulated each other.
Z.: "Is it difficult?"
S.: "It's not difficult, but I am not enjoying it".
M. said he still very much enjoys the joys of smoking. And told S. with a smile: "Aaah, so you are still at raw stage".
We all laughed.
-----
Have I mentioned that flowers are good for the soul? YES, I have. Well, even better if it is orchids. Or cacti. We have seen both today at the annual orchid exhibition at Kew Gardens. This was a surprise for him I mentioned in yesterday's post. It was a very cold day in London, but luckily, orchids don't like the cold weather either and we could only marvel at them at the lovely, warm greenhouse, oh, yes. At the Princess of Wales Conservatory, to be exact.
Oh, and we bought three lily bulbs at the gift shop. They are to be planted soon and should bring flowers in June or July. Here is hoping that the room they will live in (our kitchen or living room) will not be a smokey one. No, can't be.
-----
This man has incredible willpower.
Congratulations, S.!
3 weeks done.
-----
Last night we went to a gig with friends. While standing in line to get into the venue S. told friends (Z. and M.) that he has been smoke-free for three weeks.
Z.: "You, what?"
S.: "I quit smoking. This is the third week".
Amazement in Z.'s eyes.
It's been 6 months since Z. quit, actually. Quite a guy. He had been a heavy smoker, too.
S. and Z. congratulated each other.
Z.: "Is it difficult?"
S.: "It's not difficult, but I am not enjoying it".
M. said he still very much enjoys the joys of smoking. And told S. with a smile: "Aaah, so you are still at raw stage".
We all laughed.
-----
Have I mentioned that flowers are good for the soul? YES, I have. Well, even better if it is orchids. Or cacti. We have seen both today at the annual orchid exhibition at Kew Gardens. This was a surprise for him I mentioned in yesterday's post. It was a very cold day in London, but luckily, orchids don't like the cold weather either and we could only marvel at them at the lovely, warm greenhouse, oh, yes. At the Princess of Wales Conservatory, to be exact.
Oh, and we bought three lily bulbs at the gift shop. They are to be planted soon and should bring flowers in June or July. Here is hoping that the room they will live in (our kitchen or living room) will not be a smokey one. No, can't be.
-----
This man has incredible willpower.
Congratulations, S.!
3 weeks done.
The third photo obviously has no orchids in it. It's just a funny plant, looks like someone spilled some paint on it.
Saturday, 23 February 2013
The 20. Day
I asked S. what others have said about him trying to quit. Do they make comments, is there any teasing going on? He said they've all been positive. No teasing.
That's actually much better than I thought. I don't think people have enough empathy, not enough at all. I think most people make funny remarks, but don't think about the consequences. I think people make serious remarks and don't think about the consequences. When you remind them that they have just offended you, that they have just hurt you, that they have been no help at all, guess what they do? They get offended. Honesty doesn't pay off well. Not very well, anyways.
But it's good to hear that the reaction has been positive so far.
He has told close friends, colleagues, his brother and sister. All supportive.
By the way, there is another surprise in the pipeline. Two, actually.
No, cannot tell just yet, sorry.
But I will write about it when the time is right.
Soon.
That's actually much better than I thought. I don't think people have enough empathy, not enough at all. I think most people make funny remarks, but don't think about the consequences. I think people make serious remarks and don't think about the consequences. When you remind them that they have just offended you, that they have just hurt you, that they have been no help at all, guess what they do? They get offended. Honesty doesn't pay off well. Not very well, anyways.
But it's good to hear that the reaction has been positive so far.
He has told close friends, colleagues, his brother and sister. All supportive.
By the way, there is another surprise in the pipeline. Two, actually.
No, cannot tell just yet, sorry.
But I will write about it when the time is right.
Soon.
Friday, 22 February 2013
The 19. Day
We were both working from home yesterday and towards the afternoon S. emerged every hour to pick up the little identified flying object and have fun for 5 minutes. I got to try it out in the evening and it is indeed FUN! It's not easy to keep it in the air, because you are bound to fly it into plants, lamps and anything else nearby. But the helicopter seems to recover very well each time it becomes the victim of yet another disaster. Well, I did break a tiny yellow piece off of it, not at all intentionally, though, but surely crashing the tiny gadget many-many times. S. said it was an unimportant piece and wasn't angry at all.
You can't really get angry, playing with the copter is so much fun. It's gratifying to watch how it flies, you get the biggest laughs. You laugh the hardest, I am afraid, when it crashes. But it soon recovers and is ready to fly again.
5 minutes, then it looses it's strength and back to the charging board.
I don't know how long it will keep us occupied, but I highly recommend this toy. It also slightly depends on the pace by which I break the little parts off of it...
-----
Strangely enough the quitting business does not come up in my head as often as it had in the previous weeks. Has it now become old news? Well...
It might be so in my head, but I bet he still has that urge several times a day.
-----
We have been to 5 hot yoga classes so far. We struggle (a lot), but it's getting better (all the time). It was a bit strange for me at first to go together with someone as I have always gone on my own before. But it's not strange at all to do something together with him. So those familiar smiles, gestures are so satisfying while you try to concentrate on not kicking the sweaty bucket right there and then.
-----
19 days done.
Thursday, 21 February 2013
The 18. Day
Incredibly enough, this is the 18. day post. For the minority who haven't read the title.
And on this day into our life... came... arrived... without further ado...
No, not a baby. (For those who might ask. There is always someone who asks.)
No, it's not a dog.
Not even a parrot. No birds. No, no mice either (thankfully).
Anyone else, any more guesses?
It's a small, yellow and black, electric helicopter.
S. and colleagues are having a tiny helicopter competition soon. You can't spend more than £25 on it and whoever flies it faster, wins. This idea came up at Friday drinks last week. S. ordered one online, it arrived yesterday. It's tiny and can land on the palm of your hand. It also looks like a large, delicate insect. Watch out plants, watch out lamp shades, all you paper lanterns out there!
The yellow copter is in da house!
Now why is this important? Because there is something we didn't know about it. You need to charge it for 1 hour and the copter flies for 5 minutes. Then you need to charge it for another hour, etc. Now isn't that a fine combination?
No?!
Doesn't that remind you of something strikingly similar?
And on this day into our life... came... arrived... without further ado...
No, not a baby. (For those who might ask. There is always someone who asks.)
No, it's not a dog.
Not even a parrot. No birds. No, no mice either (thankfully).
Anyone else, any more guesses?
It's a small, yellow and black, electric helicopter.
S. and colleagues are having a tiny helicopter competition soon. You can't spend more than £25 on it and whoever flies it faster, wins. This idea came up at Friday drinks last week. S. ordered one online, it arrived yesterday. It's tiny and can land on the palm of your hand. It also looks like a large, delicate insect. Watch out plants, watch out lamp shades, all you paper lanterns out there!
The yellow copter is in da house!
Now why is this important? Because there is something we didn't know about it. You need to charge it for 1 hour and the copter flies for 5 minutes. Then you need to charge it for another hour, etc. Now isn't that a fine combination?
No?!
Doesn't that remind you of something strikingly similar?
Wednesday, 20 February 2013
The 17. Day
S.'s colleague was supposed to come to dinner. He smokes. He of course knows S. is trying to quit. He will want to smoke in the flat.
How is this going to work? That was my worry.
Nevertheless, I prepared a delicious meal. Hungarian paprika beef stew (marhapörkölt, I have yet to find a good recipe in English, none of the ones I found so far mention red wine as one of the main ingredients, although that is how I make it!) and tiramisu (yes, tiramisu, the Italian wonder). I even asked my Mom to tell me the recipe of galuska (or nokedli, or Spätzle) which I have never made before, but is the traditional side dish. If you want to make pörkölt, you gotta make the nokedli, too. It's a must. Main and dessert were both ready a day early so that they had a relaxing day to spend in the fridge. Both the taste of stew and tiramisu improve over time (but don't leave it to rot for weeks, that's overdoing it a touch). Somehow the ingredients come together better if they get to sleep on it. The galuska and a cucumber salad was to be prepared before the meal. I have never been ready with the main dishes of a dinner one day early. I also cleaned the flat. Good food in dirty flat, no, no, no. Bad combination. Good food in nice flat, oh, yes, oh, yes.
Last minute S.'s colleague cancelled. He had a very bad cough and wanted to go home. So he did. So no more worrying about him smoking in the flat.
But what to do, what to do? There lay an empty evening ahead.
I wrote to S. on chat that I would go meet him on the way home. No answer. Thankfully, I had an even better idea. How about I ask D., B. and B. if we could come over AND bring dinner. It might be a bit too late for 1,5 year old B. by the time we got there, but still. Yes, they said and were happy to hear from us. Yes, S. said and was happy to hear about this lucky change of events.
Lucky was me being flexible. But never mind. I am the quick thinker, the organizer, oh, my! What to do, what to do? Think! Quick.
S. and I met at Green Park station, on the westbound Piccadilly platform. That was his suggestion as standing by the station, on the street might have resulted in him thinking about smoking.
The evening was great, another fun night with friends.
Phew.
No. PHEW! with a smile. My smile. (Oh, and the food was great, too.)
Sigh.
How is this going to work? That was my worry.
Nevertheless, I prepared a delicious meal. Hungarian paprika beef stew (marhapörkölt, I have yet to find a good recipe in English, none of the ones I found so far mention red wine as one of the main ingredients, although that is how I make it!) and tiramisu (yes, tiramisu, the Italian wonder). I even asked my Mom to tell me the recipe of galuska (or nokedli, or Spätzle) which I have never made before, but is the traditional side dish. If you want to make pörkölt, you gotta make the nokedli, too. It's a must. Main and dessert were both ready a day early so that they had a relaxing day to spend in the fridge. Both the taste of stew and tiramisu improve over time (but don't leave it to rot for weeks, that's overdoing it a touch). Somehow the ingredients come together better if they get to sleep on it. The galuska and a cucumber salad was to be prepared before the meal. I have never been ready with the main dishes of a dinner one day early. I also cleaned the flat. Good food in dirty flat, no, no, no. Bad combination. Good food in nice flat, oh, yes, oh, yes.
Last minute S.'s colleague cancelled. He had a very bad cough and wanted to go home. So he did. So no more worrying about him smoking in the flat.
But what to do, what to do? There lay an empty evening ahead.
I wrote to S. on chat that I would go meet him on the way home. No answer. Thankfully, I had an even better idea. How about I ask D., B. and B. if we could come over AND bring dinner. It might be a bit too late for 1,5 year old B. by the time we got there, but still. Yes, they said and were happy to hear from us. Yes, S. said and was happy to hear about this lucky change of events.
Lucky was me being flexible. But never mind. I am the quick thinker, the organizer, oh, my! What to do, what to do? Think! Quick.
S. and I met at Green Park station, on the westbound Piccadilly platform. That was his suggestion as standing by the station, on the street might have resulted in him thinking about smoking.
The evening was great, another fun night with friends.
Phew.
No. PHEW! with a smile. My smile. (Oh, and the food was great, too.)
Sigh.
Tuesday, 19 February 2013
The 16. Day
What if one day I have nothing to say in this blog?
That's still much better than if he starts smoking again. Compared to that having nothing to say is just a tiny temporary glitch in the system.
And there IS always something to say. Go, girl!
xxxxx
Looks like I might be the only person in the universe who doesn't get that a 4 mg nicotine lozenge contains exactly 4 mgs of nicotine (see a previous post). It just seemed like too much nicotine, as a single cigarette contains only 0,7 mgs. Apparently, cigarettes get to you quicker, inhaling is much better than swallowing. Now I know. Never thought about this before. It does seem very logical, now that I think about it. So this means S. consumes about 8 x 4mgs of nicotine each day. Which is exactly on track according to the nicotine lozenge programme.
Reading this blog, you, dear reader might think I am thoroughly obsessed with the nicotine lozenges. Well, "obsessed" may be a bit too far fetched, but I am fascinated by this type of help which so far has provided overwhelmingly good results in the past 2 weeks. So, yes, I might be a bit obsessed, yes.
xxxxx
"Consuming" reminds me. Now is the best time ever to cook good food. Try something new. If it's a disaster, try something different. Try to make it healthy, too, while you are at it. Cooking good food involves creativity and patience. If you eat good food, both the quitter and the helper will be happy. Food is good for you, don't listen to anyone stating the opposite. Within reason, of course. Good food is good for the soul.
xxxxx
Something else very good for the soul are flowers. Try to have flowers where you live, especially at the beginning of the quitting process. If you can find flowers which have a pleasant smell, even better. A flat or a house that hasn't smelled of anything but smoke for several years starts to breath again. Let it have a pleasant smell. A bit of freshness, a touch of nature is good for you. Simply pleasant to look at. And you need the good vibes now, oh, yes. More than ever.
The 15. Day
Guess what?
When I wash clothes I can now hang them anywhere I want to in the flat. How about that?! Alright, slight explanation required here. These days I don't have to take clothes to the bedroom if I don't want them to smell like smoke. I can just leave them in the living room. Wherever I fancy. No more towels smelling like smoke either, as no smoking going on in the bathroom either. How cool is that? Alright, I now very much sound like a housewife, talking about the clothes I wash. And towels we have in the bathroom. But still! How COOL is that?!
xxxxx
He said sorry again late last night for the extreme screaming scene he cast me in on Sunday morning. And this morning he told me about a dream he had which involved people going crazy and focused on how craziness works in general. There was a certain, quite obvious resemblance. There was a crazy man and a woman, though cries, but stays with her man, no matter what.
Thankfully, he also remembered another dream he had in the same night in which I played a much better part. I portrayed a very sexy and fun woman.
xxxxx
I forgot to write yesterday that we saw Men In Black 3. as well over the weekend. So, now, if anybody asks, I have seen them all, thank you very much. The 3. one was ruined by filmmakers not having any real good ideas (I always say, if you don't have any ideas, do not make a sequel. Stay home. Get a hobby. Walk the dog). So they took on the usual time travel plot. You need to go back in time to change the past so that present can change for the better. First time I saw this was in Back to The Future in the late 80's. Unfortunately, MIB3 did not add much to the existing clichés. There was only one lovely invention in it, a character called Griffin.
xxxxx
Now that my critical, cynical part got the lead for a minute, I must say that today I started missing that MIB world. The going back to the headquarters, the aliens, the stupid jokes... I can't help it, this always happens to me after I finish a good novel or film. Especially if it living in the same world three times in two days. And don't forget to add a Bikram yoga class to each of those days. Then you get the picture.
xxxxx
Looks like I need to make an effort here as well. I thought I was already making quite an effort patience-wise and planning-wise, but nope, not enough.
Mine is a different type of effort, although I must quit doing something as well. It might sound odd, but I have the bad habit of scratching my face and hair a lot, way too much. It irritates him. A lot. Always has. I especially, notoriously do this when I am bored or nervous. And sometimes as a result of this, my face resembles a teenager's, pimples blooming and all. I am between 30 and 40.
"Should I make you sign something?" he asked. He smiled. I smiled. No, that won't be necessary, thank you very much. I will just stop doing it.
Not easy. Not at all. Nope.
Alright, I quit. Let's see how difficult it is to quit.
When I wash clothes I can now hang them anywhere I want to in the flat. How about that?! Alright, slight explanation required here. These days I don't have to take clothes to the bedroom if I don't want them to smell like smoke. I can just leave them in the living room. Wherever I fancy. No more towels smelling like smoke either, as no smoking going on in the bathroom either. How cool is that? Alright, I now very much sound like a housewife, talking about the clothes I wash. And towels we have in the bathroom. But still! How COOL is that?!
xxxxx
He said sorry again late last night for the extreme screaming scene he cast me in on Sunday morning. And this morning he told me about a dream he had which involved people going crazy and focused on how craziness works in general. There was a certain, quite obvious resemblance. There was a crazy man and a woman, though cries, but stays with her man, no matter what.
Thankfully, he also remembered another dream he had in the same night in which I played a much better part. I portrayed a very sexy and fun woman.
xxxxx
I forgot to write yesterday that we saw Men In Black 3. as well over the weekend. So, now, if anybody asks, I have seen them all, thank you very much. The 3. one was ruined by filmmakers not having any real good ideas (I always say, if you don't have any ideas, do not make a sequel. Stay home. Get a hobby. Walk the dog). So they took on the usual time travel plot. You need to go back in time to change the past so that present can change for the better. First time I saw this was in Back to The Future in the late 80's. Unfortunately, MIB3 did not add much to the existing clichés. There was only one lovely invention in it, a character called Griffin.
xxxxx
Now that my critical, cynical part got the lead for a minute, I must say that today I started missing that MIB world. The going back to the headquarters, the aliens, the stupid jokes... I can't help it, this always happens to me after I finish a good novel or film. Especially if it living in the same world three times in two days. And don't forget to add a Bikram yoga class to each of those days. Then you get the picture.
xxxxx
Looks like I need to make an effort here as well. I thought I was already making quite an effort patience-wise and planning-wise, but nope, not enough.
Mine is a different type of effort, although I must quit doing something as well. It might sound odd, but I have the bad habit of scratching my face and hair a lot, way too much. It irritates him. A lot. Always has. I especially, notoriously do this when I am bored or nervous. And sometimes as a result of this, my face resembles a teenager's, pimples blooming and all. I am between 30 and 40.
"Should I make you sign something?" he asked. He smiled. I smiled. No, that won't be necessary, thank you very much. I will just stop doing it.
Not easy. Not at all. Nope.
Alright, I quit. Let's see how difficult it is to quit.
Monday, 18 February 2013
The 14. Day
Two weeks done, but who is counting? ME! And S., too.
-----
So how shxt can the start of a day be? I think we hit an all time low here. What a lovely morning. It wasn't even morning. It was around 11 AM when he woke up. I was wide awake from 9 AM and had been struggling with sleeplessness and various noises for 2 hours when the shxt hit the fan. He had been smiling, being nice all over when he woke up. He said he has had bad dreams. And then, one thing led to the other and suddenly there was a very annoyed and very irritated man in front of me. And he was shouting at me. He shouted that I should "DEAL WITH" him. As in taking care of him, entertaining him. I thought I was doing just that. I was stroking and scratching his back, helping him fall back to sleep. In no less than two minutes he was a shouting beast. I didn't know what to do, I thought I had been comforting him. But NO. He was like an animal locked up in a cage. Who doesn't have enough space to move around. Getting angry. A lion or a tiger walking up and down.
Thankfully, he didn't eat me up and did calm down very quickly.
But I almost lost it. My marbles, my peace of mind. Later today I told him that obviously I am trying to help him and shouting my head off is not something that I can take much of. In the evening he said he was very sorry. I reassured him that I was very proud of him. It was a sort of sad moment, but there was a smile in his eyes.
Quitting and addiction must be difficult as hell, but you can't just go against the other person, especially if that person is trying to help.
I knew it wouldn't be easy.
The days definitely resemble a roller-coaster ride.
-----
I calculated today that on average he has 8 nicotine lozenges every day. Another thing I learned today was that the type of cigarettes he smoked (past tense!) contained about 0,7 mg of nicotine and 8 mg of tar. The lozenges are 4 mg, but what does that mean exactly? How much of 4 mgs is nicotine?
"For best results try to take a lozenge in situations when you are strongly
tempted to smoke. • During Step 1 (weeks 1 to 6) us at least 9 lozenges a day.
• Do not use more than one lozenge at a time. • Do not use more than 15
lozenges per day. • Do not eat or drink whilst taking a lozenge."
-----
We went to another yoga class today, his second time. Both of us did worse than yesterday, but who cares, we both made the effort and stayed in the room and did most of the postures. There are good days, there are bad days. In life and in the yoga class.
-----
Did I mention that a fortnight is done?
-----
So how shxt can the start of a day be? I think we hit an all time low here. What a lovely morning. It wasn't even morning. It was around 11 AM when he woke up. I was wide awake from 9 AM and had been struggling with sleeplessness and various noises for 2 hours when the shxt hit the fan. He had been smiling, being nice all over when he woke up. He said he has had bad dreams. And then, one thing led to the other and suddenly there was a very annoyed and very irritated man in front of me. And he was shouting at me. He shouted that I should "DEAL WITH" him. As in taking care of him, entertaining him. I thought I was doing just that. I was stroking and scratching his back, helping him fall back to sleep. In no less than two minutes he was a shouting beast. I didn't know what to do, I thought I had been comforting him. But NO. He was like an animal locked up in a cage. Who doesn't have enough space to move around. Getting angry. A lion or a tiger walking up and down.
Thankfully, he didn't eat me up and did calm down very quickly.
But I almost lost it. My marbles, my peace of mind. Later today I told him that obviously I am trying to help him and shouting my head off is not something that I can take much of. In the evening he said he was very sorry. I reassured him that I was very proud of him. It was a sort of sad moment, but there was a smile in his eyes.
Quitting and addiction must be difficult as hell, but you can't just go against the other person, especially if that person is trying to help.
I knew it wouldn't be easy.
The days definitely resemble a roller-coaster ride.
-----
I calculated today that on average he has 8 nicotine lozenges every day. Another thing I learned today was that the type of cigarettes he smoked (past tense!) contained about 0,7 mg of nicotine and 8 mg of tar. The lozenges are 4 mg, but what does that mean exactly? How much of 4 mgs is nicotine?
"For best results try to take a lozenge in situations when you are strongly
tempted to smoke. • During Step 1 (weeks 1 to 6) us at least 9 lozenges a day.
• Do not use more than one lozenge at a time. • Do not use more than 15
lozenges per day. • Do not eat or drink whilst taking a lozenge."
-----
We went to another yoga class today, his second time. Both of us did worse than yesterday, but who cares, we both made the effort and stayed in the room and did most of the postures. There are good days, there are bad days. In life and in the yoga class.
-----
Did I mention that a fortnight is done?
Sunday, 17 February 2013
The 13. Day
I realize now that it's much easier to write about this quitting process, smoking and S. than my own stuff on my own blog, which is about me. Maybe that's not so strange after all. After all, this blog is also about me, a little bit.
And it is certainly much easier to solve other people's problems, than your own, it is easier to...
Never mind.
Strangely enough, we went to a Hot Bikram Yoga class together today. He asked for this when we were on the sauna weekend with friends. He asked me to show him a few postures and said he wanted to try it. So we did. Today. I have been doing this type of yoga for a few years now, on and off. More off than on, mind you.
He now has a pass for 20 consecutive days of the sauna yoga. That will give us something to do, for sure. Oh, boy.
Next time we go is when? TOMORROW. He is very determined and liked it very much today. I am totally amazed.
xxxxx
Tonight we saw Men In Black. I laughed a lot. Never seen it before. He looked at me funny. "Looks like you are the target audience", he said. Guess I am! :-)
Then we saw MIB 2. That wasn't as good. Laughed a bit. Never mind. If there is a MIB 3., that has to wait. Why is the second part always much worse than the first? Don't even mention the third.
Guess what?! It looks like 13 DAYS DONE.
xxxxx
How long will I be writing this blog for? As long as it takes. As long as...
I don't know how long it takes and I don't care either. I am having a positive moment now.
Ssshhh. Don't tell anyone.
And it is certainly much easier to solve other people's problems, than your own, it is easier to...
Never mind.
Strangely enough, we went to a Hot Bikram Yoga class together today. He asked for this when we were on the sauna weekend with friends. He asked me to show him a few postures and said he wanted to try it. So we did. Today. I have been doing this type of yoga for a few years now, on and off. More off than on, mind you.
He now has a pass for 20 consecutive days of the sauna yoga. That will give us something to do, for sure. Oh, boy.
Next time we go is when? TOMORROW. He is very determined and liked it very much today. I am totally amazed.
xxxxx
Tonight we saw Men In Black. I laughed a lot. Never seen it before. He looked at me funny. "Looks like you are the target audience", he said. Guess I am! :-)
Then we saw MIB 2. That wasn't as good. Laughed a bit. Never mind. If there is a MIB 3., that has to wait. Why is the second part always much worse than the first? Don't even mention the third.
Guess what?! It looks like 13 DAYS DONE.
xxxxx
How long will I be writing this blog for? As long as it takes. As long as...
I don't know how long it takes and I don't care either. I am having a positive moment now.
Ssshhh. Don't tell anyone.
Friday, 15 February 2013
The 12. Day
The first pack of nicotine lozenges are finished, I have been asked to buy some new ones. Within the information leaflet it states (amongst other things):
"Do not use this medicine if you -
That's a bit odd. Do they think non-smokers will buy this to try nicotine for the first time? Would we mistakenly buy it instead of candy? Have there been any non-smokers who have harmed themselves or their children with a pack of this stuff? Have there been any lawsuits? I'd like to know more. Or do all nicotine products caution non-smokers, just in case and I am just a noob in this field? Sometimes I find it amusing to think about why we are warned against some things (and not others).
By the way, 11 days done, without a single cigarette! I hope it's not too boring reading all my hurrays about days that have passed. It's certainly not boring writing them.
xxxxx
Yesterday S. was working from home. Sometime in the afternoon he came into the bedroom and asked why I do not come out of the other room. The living room is now safe, there is no smoking going on! :-) So I came out. He is right. Strangely enough, I hadn't realized this.
Also, he was talking a lot on Skype to his colleagues and I didn't want to make any noise and bother the hell out of him. "But that was HOURS ago", he said. So I spent the rest of the day with him, in our living room. Smoke did not join us.
xxxxx
Today I thought why not give a bit of publicity to some other things we are involved in. This blog is something we are doing with friends. Not sure which blog has less visitors on average, this one or that one, but there is probably a competition there.
These days the toilet blog comes in handy when we go to a restaurant or a café. Instead of going out for a cigarette, S. goes to the toilet to take some photos. That does sound a bit strange, now that I have written it down. Alright, he doesn't go to the toilet 2-3-4 times per meal to take photos, though that was how many he had smoked before and after the meal and perhaps before the dessert was served at restaurants. Especially, when we dined with smokers, it was a ritual to go outside for a bit.
And as for the toilet blog - I also think it is great to have a collection of anything that goes back a bunch of years. A variation from around the world. As far as keeping him occupied (even if you include uploading the photos, creating titles and adding URLs, etc.), it's not much, but it is surely fun. And it is also fun to see people looking at you funny - "you are taking photos of what?!". They probably think we are doing something disgusting. But it isn't gross (most of the time). Once they understand, most people ask us next time we meet, "do you want to take photos of this toilet" "or that one?" Or "I took a photo of a nice one, do you want me to send it to you"?
Yes, please, guest toilet posts are very welcome.
"Do not use this medicine if you -
- are a non-smoker".
That's a bit odd. Do they think non-smokers will buy this to try nicotine for the first time? Would we mistakenly buy it instead of candy? Have there been any non-smokers who have harmed themselves or their children with a pack of this stuff? Have there been any lawsuits? I'd like to know more. Or do all nicotine products caution non-smokers, just in case and I am just a noob in this field? Sometimes I find it amusing to think about why we are warned against some things (and not others).
By the way, 11 days done, without a single cigarette! I hope it's not too boring reading all my hurrays about days that have passed. It's certainly not boring writing them.
xxxxx
Yesterday S. was working from home. Sometime in the afternoon he came into the bedroom and asked why I do not come out of the other room. The living room is now safe, there is no smoking going on! :-) So I came out. He is right. Strangely enough, I hadn't realized this.
Also, he was talking a lot on Skype to his colleagues and I didn't want to make any noise and bother the hell out of him. "But that was HOURS ago", he said. So I spent the rest of the day with him, in our living room. Smoke did not join us.
xxxxx
Today I thought why not give a bit of publicity to some other things we are involved in. This blog is something we are doing with friends. Not sure which blog has less visitors on average, this one or that one, but there is probably a competition there.
These days the toilet blog comes in handy when we go to a restaurant or a café. Instead of going out for a cigarette, S. goes to the toilet to take some photos. That does sound a bit strange, now that I have written it down. Alright, he doesn't go to the toilet 2-3-4 times per meal to take photos, though that was how many he had smoked before and after the meal and perhaps before the dessert was served at restaurants. Especially, when we dined with smokers, it was a ritual to go outside for a bit.
And as for the toilet blog - I also think it is great to have a collection of anything that goes back a bunch of years. A variation from around the world. As far as keeping him occupied (even if you include uploading the photos, creating titles and adding URLs, etc.), it's not much, but it is surely fun. And it is also fun to see people looking at you funny - "you are taking photos of what?!". They probably think we are doing something disgusting. But it isn't gross (most of the time). Once they understand, most people ask us next time we meet, "do you want to take photos of this toilet" "or that one?" Or "I took a photo of a nice one, do you want me to send it to you"?
Yes, please, guest toilet posts are very welcome.
Thursday, 14 February 2013
The 11. Day
Last night the plans changed a bit, I offered to pick him up after work, in the end he asked me to take a train ride to London Bridge. We met there, he was glad to see me, wasn't in a bad mood.
At home we watched a funny, short video (for any Hungarian speakers out there) created by Hungarian students against the idiotic Hungarian government policies. Then we had dinner and watched the BBC documentary about smoking I found the day before (see yesterday's post).
The dinner I made turned out to be delicious and much appreciated by both of us. Salmon, mushrooms, a sauce made of mostly broccoli, tomatoes, parsley and a bit of cheese and baked goats cheese with a honey and grapes sauce. Yum!
We decided to postpone the massage and website building for today.
xxxxx
I realize now that I tend the write about the previous day, but have the present day as the title. Is that a problem? Maybe not. This blog is about the past, present and future. Just like everything else...
xxxxx
Last night he said he thinks he should give it some more time. Not one month, that's not enough, but 6 months. He said that! He thinks if the desperate urge he still feels does not calm down buy then, he will go straight back to smoking and never look back. He also said that feeling the urge now and then is fine, that he doesn't mind. But to continuously feel depressed, that is something he will not be able take for long. This all sounds pretty promising.
xxxxx
He says he misses the ritual a lot. His idea is to fully quit smoking, and then at some point, later on (when?) to start smoking cigars instead. Most people only smoke a limited number of cigars each day, so perhaps that could work. Perhaps one after dinner. Not continuously, not parallel to almost each and every activity you do. And there is a ritual there for sure. I like the smell of cigars. Perhaps it would work.
xxxxx
10 days done.
xxxxx
S. received a package from his Dad this morning. An encouraging package. It contained a box of nicotine patches, a box of nicotine gum and some (real) candy he likes. He checked out both the gum and the patches, read the information within. S. was surprised and thought it was a very nice and thoughtful idea from his Dad. Moments like this are very important. Always, but especially now.
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
The 10. Day
Depression
has
arrived.
xxxxx
He said on the phone that it's a cold, gloomy day. True. And that the work day isn't going so well either. It's depressing. All in all, not a good day.
How to cheer him up?
I wish we could say timeout!, he could have a few puffs, feel better and continue trying to quit. But that's not how it works. A few puffs would lead to a few cigarettes and we would need to go straight back to "Go". 10 days is a huge accomplishment but it is not enough.
There has had to be a shxt day. A disastrous day. When nothing worked.
I'll make a delicious dinner, we have a website to work on and a film to watch.
A massage might help him tonight, too.
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
The 9. Day
Yesterday it was his turn to offer me help. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown based on the good old low self-confidence - all this straight after talking to a recruitment agent. S. helped me back to normal. He has complete trust in my abilities. That's so important. And what's more, he calmed me down. He is the one who should be having breakdowns these days, not me.
Then came the evening, which went quite well, until the irritation and shouting arrived. He shouted, I cried. The particular situation was my fault, that's true, but I thought the level of distress was much higher than the situation deserved it. I had to concentrate very hard not to:
1. smack him
2. leave the room, leave the flat
3. throw a pack of cigarettes in his face and wish him lots of luck with many more years of happy smoking.
Later on the mood was restored, we were back to normal. Glad I didn't do any of the above 3.
-----
I to continue to look for information. It's good to know more and have a base for discussions. Here is the BBC's documentary on smoking. Worth watching.
Then came the evening, which went quite well, until the irritation and shouting arrived. He shouted, I cried. The particular situation was my fault, that's true, but I thought the level of distress was much higher than the situation deserved it. I had to concentrate very hard not to:
1. smack him
2. leave the room, leave the flat
3. throw a pack of cigarettes in his face and wish him lots of luck with many more years of happy smoking.
Later on the mood was restored, we were back to normal. Glad I didn't do any of the above 3.
-----
I to continue to look for information. It's good to know more and have a base for discussions. Here is the BBC's documentary on smoking. Worth watching.
Monday, 11 February 2013
The 8. Day
I realize now how important it is to continuously talk about the process with the person you are helping. But you mustn't be pushy. I am very glad S. has been open about quitting so far. I hope he doesn't close up later on.
Before last week it was easiest to talk to everybody else but S. about quitting smoking, not at all easy to talk to S. about it. Last year I asked a bunch of people about what it was like when they quit, is there a magic method. Guess what the answer to that was.
I had difficulty bringing the topic up as in the past few months S. jumped at it (and at me) every time I mentioned it. Perhaps I began talking about the topic wrong. Wrong what? Wrong tone of voice? Wrong words? Wrong moment? I doubt that there ever is a right moment.
I must admit, I have been angry in the past about smoking. About seeing the living room day after day filling up with smoke. And him sitting in the middle of it. And me spending the day in the other room.
Smoke and smoking used to not bother me at all. I used to work at theaters where so many people smoke and this was before smoking was banned in public areas, so rehearsals were full of smoke. And some rooms at universities as well. I didn't care. People used to ask me whether I mind if they smoke while I eat. I was always surprised by this, I couldn't see how the two were connected. Go ahead, I said, every time, I don't mind. At that point many smokers looked at me like I was a bit crazy. Were they waiting for someone to tell them off, go to your room, stop that nonsense?
People used to ask me what it was like to live with a smoker. A heavy smoker, they said. I shrugged, and said, yes, but what could I do about it. This is how he is. It's part of him. But it's harmful they said, almost every time. At this point I thought, hello, do you think you have just revealed to me a great big secret only you knew about? Yes, I think it is harmful. But does living together necessarily mean you need to change the other person? Take away all their usual habits? And what can you offer in return?
-----
All in all the weekend went well. Much better than I expected. Several things didn't go as (I) planned, but that doesn't matter. We had a good time and S. was kept occupied enough.
Strangely enough, it was television that helped him over the weekend. There was a big screen TV at the serviced apartment we stayed at and S. watched a lot of it. We don't have a TV, you see, neither of us feel the need to get one. It's been several years since S. or I sat down to watch anything on a television set.
S. was fascinated with the TV. Like a child re-exploring a long-forgotten toy. He watched golf and rugby, buy this diamond ring, buy that appliance shows and was probably most amazed by a teleshop show offering 3 magnifying glass pens and a flat sheet of magnifying glass, all for about 6 quid or even less. There were also topless women on a bed dancing to the camera and offering naked photos of themselves and a chance to hear them talk "dirty" to you. S. of course commented on every pathetic detail and we laughed a lot.
"Please don't make TV the addiction you choose instead of smoking", I said. He said he wouldn't.
-----
We were with friends most of the day on Sunday. With D., B. and B. It was great to hear S. openly talk about quitting and we both told our friends about the weekend. B. (who has never smoked) said this is a tricky topic for him as all of his family smokes or smoked. His sister who had been smoking for a long time decided to quit one day and hasn't lit up ever since. She hadn't used patches, hadn't taken any help, just quit. B.'s Dad on the other hand had tried to quit on two occasions, both of which were complete failures and both of which were quite demanding times for the whole family. B. said he thinks his Dad will just continue to smoke and harm his body until the end. S. said this is what he had planned to do as well. To smoke and live as long as he can while smoking all his life.
B. said smoking is disgusting for him, it is smelly and expensive.
S. also talked about how hard it was, especially at the beginning of last week, how irritated he was. And that he was going to give it a month and if it doesn't work, he will give up quitting smoking forever. But yesterday he said it was going much better, so he is more positive.
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It's been 7 smokeless days. So far.
Before last week it was easiest to talk to everybody else but S. about quitting smoking, not at all easy to talk to S. about it. Last year I asked a bunch of people about what it was like when they quit, is there a magic method. Guess what the answer to that was.
I had difficulty bringing the topic up as in the past few months S. jumped at it (and at me) every time I mentioned it. Perhaps I began talking about the topic wrong. Wrong what? Wrong tone of voice? Wrong words? Wrong moment? I doubt that there ever is a right moment.
I must admit, I have been angry in the past about smoking. About seeing the living room day after day filling up with smoke. And him sitting in the middle of it. And me spending the day in the other room.
Smoke and smoking used to not bother me at all. I used to work at theaters where so many people smoke and this was before smoking was banned in public areas, so rehearsals were full of smoke. And some rooms at universities as well. I didn't care. People used to ask me whether I mind if they smoke while I eat. I was always surprised by this, I couldn't see how the two were connected. Go ahead, I said, every time, I don't mind. At that point many smokers looked at me like I was a bit crazy. Were they waiting for someone to tell them off, go to your room, stop that nonsense?
People used to ask me what it was like to live with a smoker. A heavy smoker, they said. I shrugged, and said, yes, but what could I do about it. This is how he is. It's part of him. But it's harmful they said, almost every time. At this point I thought, hello, do you think you have just revealed to me a great big secret only you knew about? Yes, I think it is harmful. But does living together necessarily mean you need to change the other person? Take away all their usual habits? And what can you offer in return?
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All in all the weekend went well. Much better than I expected. Several things didn't go as (I) planned, but that doesn't matter. We had a good time and S. was kept occupied enough.
Strangely enough, it was television that helped him over the weekend. There was a big screen TV at the serviced apartment we stayed at and S. watched a lot of it. We don't have a TV, you see, neither of us feel the need to get one. It's been several years since S. or I sat down to watch anything on a television set.
S. was fascinated with the TV. Like a child re-exploring a long-forgotten toy. He watched golf and rugby, buy this diamond ring, buy that appliance shows and was probably most amazed by a teleshop show offering 3 magnifying glass pens and a flat sheet of magnifying glass, all for about 6 quid or even less. There were also topless women on a bed dancing to the camera and offering naked photos of themselves and a chance to hear them talk "dirty" to you. S. of course commented on every pathetic detail and we laughed a lot.
"Please don't make TV the addiction you choose instead of smoking", I said. He said he wouldn't.
-----
We were with friends most of the day on Sunday. With D., B. and B. It was great to hear S. openly talk about quitting and we both told our friends about the weekend. B. (who has never smoked) said this is a tricky topic for him as all of his family smokes or smoked. His sister who had been smoking for a long time decided to quit one day and hasn't lit up ever since. She hadn't used patches, hadn't taken any help, just quit. B.'s Dad on the other hand had tried to quit on two occasions, both of which were complete failures and both of which were quite demanding times for the whole family. B. said he thinks his Dad will just continue to smoke and harm his body until the end. S. said this is what he had planned to do as well. To smoke and live as long as he can while smoking all his life.
B. said smoking is disgusting for him, it is smelly and expensive.
S. also talked about how hard it was, especially at the beginning of last week, how irritated he was. And that he was going to give it a month and if it doesn't work, he will give up quitting smoking forever. But yesterday he said it was going much better, so he is more positive.
-----
It's been 7 smokeless days. So far.
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